Contemplative Tuesday: Losing & Gaining

9 May 2023

Of all the birds that catch my eyes, the flamingoes take first prize. Apart from their pinkish plummage, their straight legs are a thing of beauty as they strut confidently from one spot to another in the mud without losing momentum.

Birds taking flight from tree branches or from the arm of their handler, while their talons rip off barks or leave marks on the protective arm cover is a delight to me. And those perfect landings on flimsy laundry lines & bobbing along with the wind is ballet!

If I can make a personal wish in this life, it will probably be to know what it feels like to walk without limping and without swaying from side to side. Even if it is just for one day.

“Where are you going? Do you need a wheelchair?” asked the young staff with a look of concern mixed with hesitation. He was unsure of how I would react to his offer of help.

It was closing time at the newly opened Bird Paradise at Mandai Lake.

“I think I can manage. Cos that was how I got in.” I assured him brightly. My heart was already full from an afternoon of avian magic with friends and now this young man.

He would later tell me on our way to the taxi stand that his heart simply couldn’t take it to see me walking like this, while he was standing around with two strong legs. And no, he didn’t want me to think he was pitying me.

His parents have taught him to help others and not expect to be praised.

We went on to exchange views on decision making in life and the need for time to create emotional distance before we can accurately process an experience that has happened, especially if it is not aligned to our plans.

By the time we said goodbye, I realised we wouldn’t have this moment if I had two good legs.

Meanwhile my admiration for flamingoes and those who can move about with ease will never diminish.

Narrow Paths, Wide Hearts

3-4-23

The path may be narrow, but our heart can be wide. Rain forces pedestrians to take the 5 foot way skimming the shophouses at East Coast Road.

As I was waiting for the rain to stop, a man was trying to restrain their dog from entering the Harvest Bowl Salad cafe where his wife had gone to buy their takeaway dinners.

Their dog, being larger than the usual street dogs, was a challenge to contain. And the rain had forced passers by directly onto the path of the duo. Most people looked at man with dog kindly, but a few gave disapproving looks as if to say, “Dunno how to control your dog, why take him out?”

I would learn later that this was the first time the nervous dog had been in a rainy and crowded setting.

The man appeared apologetic for blocking the path. He was also looking increasingly stressed by the constant stream of people brushing past them.

“What a lovely dog you have!” I called out to the man. It was an attempt to break the spell of unease. It worked. He smiled. The dog also stopped rearing up & charging at the cafe entrance.

Then I suggested that he led his dog away from the cafe and to my side to limit the canine’s range of vision & thus reduce his fixation on the other human caregiver. (Thank you NatGeo & Caesar Milan)

So under the drumming rain in the sheltered walkway, we chatted about animal rescue work. The dog whose head reached my waist, started sniffing the air and looking at the passing street cars like a curious child.

The man & his wife had been feeding stray dogs in forested areas. It was where they found their dog and his litter mates.

Finally the man’s wife appeared with their long awaited dinner. Their dog pranced in delirious joy to see that his family was complete again!

Before we parted, the wife who preferred the company of animals to humans, asked me gently if I had an umbrella and how I was going to get home.

Looking back, wherever there is kindness, we’re home. So that come rain or shine, separation or union, we will always belong. And even if the path is narrow, our heart can be wide. 🙏

Pilgrims circumabulate the Boudha Stupa alongside dogs who have made the UNESCO World Heritage site home.

Drama at Boudha

2-3-23

It was 2019.

I was sitting on one of the benches facing the Boudha Stupa when 3 old persons with rickety gait came by.

El and I have sat like these many times whenever we stayed at Boudha. I often rest on one of these benches after one circumambulation around the Boudha Stupa while waiting for Ron & El to make many more rounds. (Dec 2019)

I made room on the bench for them. They bowed lightly, and took their places while adjusting their belongings amongst themselves.

The grandpa spoke to me in a language I didn’t understand. He had a fedora on and was bundled up in winter clothing. The two grandmas smiled. I smiled back at their weather beaten faces and gentle eyes.

Lacking the vocabularly to ask about another’s nationalities, beliefs, marital status or occupations, our exchanges were reduced to gestures of smiling, bowing and nodding. That was truly a John Lennon’s “Imagine” moment for me.

One of the grandmas handed the grandpa a small packet which he raised towards the Stupa and then placed lightly against his own forehead. After that he took out a tiny piece of reddish looking substance from the little bag. It resembled blusher that had been chipped off from a make up receptacle.

He then broke the terra cotta red bit into tinier pieces with his fingers and placed a bit of which on the open palms of each grandmas.

Turning towards me, he offered the same thing. Seeing how reverently they treated the powder, I held out my palms too.

After that, as if they had rehearsed it many times, the three of them looked up at the Stupa, placed what was on their palms into their mouths and brought both palms together in prayer.

As I stared in wonderment at their synchronised actions, the grandpa turned to me. He puffed up his chest to indicate that the powder would make me strong like them.

For added effect, he also slapped his forehead & sniffled dramatically to show that it could keep head & respiratory troubles away.

Now, I have my reservations about taking unknown substances from strangers.

But the simplicity and earnestness of the 3 sages to share health & strength with me neutralised all misgivings.

The encounter was made all the more poignant when I realised how far we had travelled to share this moment of healing under the Stupa. The following year, travel restrictions of all kinds would make it hard for me to visit Nepal.

Perhaps at the heart of all communicative intent, it is not eloquence, but kindness that causes the mind to open.

March for Peace

1-3-23

Yesterday I marked the last day of February with a hair trim at Clementi and a ride on the MRT. I wanted to see if I could still make the walk and negotiate the station crowd.

As a survivor of childhood polio, I use a cane for support. This cane has taken me everywhere in Singapore and all the way to Nepal where I lit butter lamps at Boudha Stupa for peace upon all sentient beings. (2017)

I realised someone of my walking speed can be seen as a hindrance to those who are in a hurry, peak period or not. It is nothing personal.

As it doesn’t take much to trip & topple me, moving along with people close by will always be a challenge.

So I have to make peace with my slowness and accept that I will always be in someone’s way or several steps behind others.

And what better way to acknowledge my slow march for peace than to begin the month of March by using a present I received 2 Christmases ago!

From its matching wrapper and its embroidered cover to its textured pages, this gift speaks of time & dedication from its designer, manufacturer and giver.

And because I waited for the right moment to start using it, I’m able to begin the first page with deliriously happy memories gathered from the beginning of this year.

So may I wish all friends especially those feeling frazzled, the benefits of slowness as we march freely and consciously towards a peaceful destiny for ourselves and for all sentient beings. 🙏

Happy Marching, my Lovelies! ❤️

Joyride

1 Dec 2022

Yesterday we went to bid farewell to a 52-year-old park that holds a special place in our heart.

A Flight to Remember on 30 Nov 2022. A tourist from Hong Kong helped us so that we could all be together in this frame.

The Jurong Bird Park which opened on 3 January 1971 will close on 3 January 2023. Its feathered residents will be relocated to Bird Paradise in Mandai.

The mindful pace of the flamingoes remind us to take our time. Photo credit: SH Ng

In the sweltering Sg heat, the cooling breeze on the tram ride was a life saver. For families with very young children and for the mobility challenged like me, it enabled us to take in 20 hectares worth of sights & sounds of the old Park without feeling drained or left out.

The blistering heat and high humidity of the Singapore weather make every step a test of endurance & will power.

My difficulty in getting on the ride was noted by our tram captain who promptly produced a supportive accessory to facilitate my ascent.

The highest manmade waterfall in the world behind us may be nothing to shout about now, but it was a big deal half a century ago. And it still is a structure of affection for us locals.

He then communicated with his colleague from the next station who was on standby to assist me by the time we arrived.

He did this for me on top of having to navigate the vehicle, watch out for passenger safety and wipe down a seat that someone had spilled a drink on when it was explicitly stated “No Food & Drinks on Tram.”

I used to think able-bodied people had it easier. I’m sometimes quick to join in berating them for lacking empathy towards the disabled or for not being inclusive enough.

But yesterday after witnessing what a man had to do cheerfully in order to earn his keep, I feel that my comparison was groundless.

That encounter also helps me see that some physical problems are not readily visible to the ones who don’t have them. If we’re looking for help, it is also our responsibility to explain our needs, so that people can choose their responses.

My friends and I cannot recall what we were looking at or smiling about in this shot taken at the Jurong Bird Park yesterday, but we sure can’t fake joy like this.

The joy is all the more precious because we can’t recall what we were looking or smiling at.

As we bade goodbye to the Bird Park on the last day of November and welcome the start of December, may I take this chance to wish readers of this post the peace that comes from accepting what cannot be changed, and the joy for the support that eases our ride on our journey ahead. 🙏😊

Gifts from an Unknown Horse

16 Nov 2022 (World Horse Day)

The refugee horse I saw in 2001 on the news would lead me to this book in Annapurna Bookshop in Pokara, Nepal in 2011.

In 2001 while following news on the aftermath of 911, the footage of a horse straining under the load strapped tightly to his/ her back while making the mountainous crossing between Afghanistan & Pakistan would forever be soldered onto my brain. It was one of those “once you see it, you cannot unsee it” moment for me.

Taoist prayer papers featuring horses of the Gods. I love the graceful lines by which horses are depicted, almost childlike in their simplicity while deeply evocative.

That TV encounter would lead me to learn more about the suffering of packed animals & support efforts devoted to improving their conditions. In my attempts to raise funds for them, I read up as much as I could. Soon my affinity with writings & artworks that featured horses, donkeys & mules also grew. A trip to Morocco to visit the Society for the Protection of Working Animals Abroad (SPANA) opened up.

And all the above had been bestowed upon me by a nameless horse shivering in the winter cold of armed human conflicts.

Recently a former student was heading to Nepal. By way of wishing her a trip filled with pleasant encounters & learning ease, I gave her a handmade card featuring a mythical horse.

Handmade card using Lokta paper. These are the remaining 3 in my collection after giving 1 to my former student heading to Nepal.

Mythical horses or Windhorses (Lungta) are carriers of auspiciousness in Tibetan and Mongolian cultures.

One of the things the young lady did when she reached the Boudha Stupa was to take out her windhorse card and take pictures of it with the prayer flags.

My former student, Cheryl Lee, and her windhorse card at Boudha Stupa in November 2022.

I have this belief that even if we cannot change the fate of working animals directly, treating representations of them or thoughts associated with them kindly has power.

May the gesture of a girl circumabulating the Stupa with the windhorse card under her jacket, bring better treatment to all working horses and animals.

Cheryl holding her card to the prayer flags.

May our aspirations for better days for ourselves and others never cease regardless of outcomes. 🙏

Dog sleeping underneath the prayer flags at Boudha Stupa, Nepal. Photo credit: Cheryl Lee.

Mustangi Magic

20-10-22

In 2011, at the Annapurna Bookshop by Lake Phewa in Pokara, Ron pointed out a book sitting on the top shelf to me & I bought it.

“Horses Like Lightning,” by Sienna Craig documented an American veterinarian’s journey & spiritual growth as she cared for horses in Mustang.

The making of a Juniper smoke offering by local Mustangi people to complete each animal treatment struck a chord in me. I think that was the specific moment that sealed my understanding of medicines & healing having a spiritual dimension.

When we got back to Kathmandu, I couldn’t put the book down. Each night by the window of Hotel Harati in Thamel I would read the words slowly, dreading the time when I would arrive at the last page. I also started wondering what Juniper incense smell like since it was mentioned frequently in the book.

Finally at Boudha Stupa, I came face to face with Juniper in its raw & incense powder form. When lit, it released a scent that was both foreign and yet strangely familiar to me.

The aroma of Juniper incense permeates the air at Boudha Stupa at all times of the day.

While some find Juniper incense smoke dense & yeasty smelling, I find it comforting. It always reminds me of forest & yogurt. (Ikr, I’m never far from food. 😄)

It’s been 10 years since my fascination with Juniper started. Last month my friend, Sharonne and her husband, Khorn, visited Nepal to begin her 60th birthday celebration.

My friend of 40 years, Sharonne, & her spouse, Khorn, kickstarting her Super Sixty Birthday celebration in Nepal.

In the midst of visiting sacred sites and shelter & street animals of the Himalayas, the couple found time to replenish my Juniper incense supply from the same shop facing the Stupa.

Sharonne & Khorn arrived in Nepal on new moon of the 9th Lunar Month and brought much needed medical supplies for street and shelter dogs.

Moving onto higher grounds, Sharonne picked a sprig of Juniper from a tree that grew in the temple compound of Muktinath in Mustang, a faraway location that is difficult for me to reach but has benevolently decided to visit me. 🙏

The temple where the sprig of Juniper berries came from. (Muktinath, Mustang)

“I got us some wild flowers from this monastery! Breathtakingly beautiful views. I could sit here all day breathing it all in!” says my friend of 40 years as she approaches her superb 60th year. ❤️😊

In a few days’ time the Juniper’s green will go, but her history of having travelled from Mustang at 3800m above sea level, and flying 3800km to reach Singapore will always remain. 🙏

Only in Sg

15-9-22

My brother and I had Halal food at Fortune Centre in Middle Road today. The proprietress of Syam’s Corner served her padang dishes with delight. She was pleased when we asked her for sambal belachan.

After lunch I dropped by a vegetarian dry goods shop owned by a lady from Yunnan. There are 26 tribes in the place she was born. She climbed up a chair to bring down cups of sweet & sour vermicelli to show me the difference between that and mala noodles.

Carrying papadums, pumpkin crackers and cup noodles, we went to greet the deities at the Hindu temple and the Buddhist temple outside Fortune Centre.

We had been talking about this outing since 2020 but kept postponing it because of safe distancing measures.

Today we finally made it.

I couldn’t resist having pictures taken with Hanuman and Garuda no matter how many times I had seen them. They are ageless, but I’m not.

A soft spoken lady from Thailand approached us to take a picture of her and her mom. We had a great time helping them to strike a pose.

In a short span of a few hours and within a few hundred square meters, we interacted with people from different cultures and faiths and experienced architecture that went back hundreds of years.

And only after 50 plus years I noticed that my brother enjoys padang food, just like the way our father did.

Passports

8-8-22 (National Day Eve)

“You have trekked so far, Bhaktaprasad, and today you may have understood you can travel far and not arrive, and not travel at all, but still arrive.” –

– Adventures of a Nepali Frog by Kanak Mani Dixit

In secondary 3, I was the only student in my Art Club ECA who couldn’t go on a school trip to Baguio, Philippines, because my dad couldn’t cough up the $300 required to pay for the already subsidised trip.

I don’t recall feeling very sad about it but I think it must have hurt my dad. Years later he would tell me lacking the means to let us take overseas trips like some parents did, made him feel inadequate as a provider.

With my dad at Westlake Chinese Restuarant when I was in my 30s.

In my early 20s as a working adult, when I made my first ever overseas call from Europe to Singapore, it was my dad who picked up the call. He reminded me not to spend money on souvenirs but to keep my luggage light so that I could move easily and take in all the sights.

Recently the news of ICA rejecting passport photos of smiling applicants prompted me to check my old passports.

And among the expired little red books, there was my dad’s passport. He was 58 years old when he made that passport to visit Malaysia with my mom and her siblings. I am now his age as I get ready to renew my passport for the 5th time.

In his passport photo, my dad wore a blue & white batik shirt which I bought with my first teaching paycheck. Tucked within the passport’s protective covers were currencies that he had collected from years back. A wish to visit these countries one day perhaps?

The fear of being called a frog in the well may have prompted some of us to look to travelling to broaden the mind. But travelling without knowledge or due preparation can also reinforce pre-existing prejudices.

So I hope my dad knows that even though he couldn’t afford to take us overseas when we were kids, his lifelong interest in books, music, plants, cultures and documentaries would influence my future travelling choices which money cannot buy.

And today as we look to Singapore’s 57th birthday celebration tomorrow, and enjoy the travelling ease which our red passport brings, may we also honour the foremothers, forefathers and the ones who have made sacrifices and remained island bound, so that others can go farther. 🙏

A $3 per head day trip to local places of interest organised by the Residents’ Committee was all it took to make my late dad happy. My mom continues to delight in her temple jaunts and visits to Chinatown on a regular basis.

A Heritage of Peace

3-5-22

This morning, decked in traditional finery that spoke of ethnic pride & brimming with benedictions fresh from morning prayers, First Tutee touched the back of my hand with his forehead to wish me peace.

First Tutee is now taller than me. I’ve known him before he entered Primary One.

For the past few years, my home has been his first place of visit after prayers at the mosque on Hari Raya mornings.

A little boy and his cat friend on Hari Raya morning a a few years back.

This year he brought a friend with him. He wanted to show him how to interact with Oliver the Cat.

First Tutee supervising his friend’s first contact with a cat.

First Tutee explained to his little friend how he used to be scared of cats before he met Oliver.

He then taught him how to sit still while waiting for the cat to approach, and how to offer food respectfully to the animal.

Showing his little friend how to approach a cat & feed him respectfully.

“Don’t touch him when he’s trying to eat cos it makes him nervous,” said the older boy to the younger one.

While they were sitting by the window, First Tutee pointed out the direction of Batam, Indonesia, to his fascinated guest. He also told him the body of water he saw was called a reservoire, not a swimming pool.

Two Muslim boys looking out of the window at the world while the prayer flags flutter above them.

Although First Tutee and I are not related by blood, and these days we don’t see each other much, he seems to have taken after me in the way he explains things. And now & then when he spots a full moon, he’ll send me a picture of it.

While we make material provisions for our children, showing them how to live peacefully with all despite our differences could give them the wisdom & compassion to journey further & do better under all circumstances in life.