“It’s ok, I can manage,” was my habitual response when I thought the young man at the Uniqlo fitting room was asking if I needed a stool to sit on while trying on clothes. I have seen my share of sales staff being bullied by the self-entitled, so I try my best not to add on to their burden.
Furthermore, years of trying to blend in with the able bodied for fear of being considered not good enough at school and at work have made me apologetic about my handicap and to overcompensate for it.
Truth be known, at the heart of all these efforts to cope with my physical limitations to the point of ignoring them, is the deep dread of rejection & abandonment.
You know how it is. In the wild, animals, including the new borns, are left to die if they show signs of physical weakness or injury. An injured animal will also try his best to mask his pains for as long as possible to avoid evoking the predatory instincts of the others.
And so it is with humans. Be it a limp or a lisp, the fear of mockery looms, especially when you are a child, and haven’t figured out how to navigate among the normals.
Compassion & Wisdom are ofen the first casualties when resources are limited and survival hangs on a thread.
So I learnt at a very young age, not to seek special treatment if I wanted to be included.
But the Uniqlo Angel would not back off. He took one look at my leg & cane, and decided that I would need a cubicle for the disabled to try on my clothes.
Striding confidently ahead, he lifted a grey curtain to reveal a brightly lit cubicle large enough to accommodate a wheel chair, and equipped with handrails and cushioned seat for the physically challenged.
And the way he secured the curtain you would have thought he invented the cubicle himself.
“Take your time,” said the lanky youth who saw through my carefully constructed armour of lies as he looked me in the eye. ❤️😄
I saw my first real waterfall in 2006 when I was in Japan. These days, a manmade waterfall like the one at Bird Paradise is as good as the real deal for me. (8 May 2023) ❤️
When I need to go out I pick my timing carefully to avoid crowds and transport fee hikes.
On the streets there are cyclists and people on mobility aid to be mindful of.
In the malls especially during school holidays, there is the exhuberance of unsupervised children at play that can trip me.
Increasingingly I find myself making detours, sometimes huge ones, to avoid shoppers clustering on narrow thoroughfares.
So an errand that may take 30minutes can easily turn into a 2 hour undertaking.
The obstacles I face on my outings force me to look ahead when I walk, and to stand still in the presence of running children or sudden movements by others.
I now understand why in my youth I felt strongly about regulating whale & dolphin watching tourism. Whales have been known to alter their migratory routes or delay their feeding in order to avoid boats.
As I age every departure from the familiarity of my flat & neighbourhood is thus a bit of an expedition. I don’t have the bandwidth to conquer mountains or check out the ocean because the landscape in me is a perpetual mystery of unpredictability.
National Gallery, Singapore 2020.
The outcome of negotiating external changes in my environment together with my physical limitations has strangely put me in a constant state of the beginner’s mind.
Every outing I can make it on my own whether alone or with friends is always my first, and could also be my last. It is perhaps one of the reasons why I’m always taking pictures. 😊
Panda, the shelter dog’s affection is boundless. (June 2023)
On the full moon that just passed, a former student made a trip to Nepal. She offered to help me deliver non-prescriptive medicated animal supplies to friends who are taking care of street & shelter animals there.
The soft spoken child in her impossibly white school uniform writing compo in my class some 20 years back is now venturing to rugged Nepal & wants to help me bring stuff?!
When we took this picture, I didn’t know one of these young girls would one day help me deliver animal relief supplies to street and shelter animals in Nepal. Wound washes & medicated shampoos to relieve animal suffering, improve their physical conditions and increase their chances of getting fed. For animals, beauty is never skin deep because it makes a difference between getting fed or getting kicked. 🙏
I didn’t jump at her offer at first. But I was touched that someone with little exposure to street animals & shelter work would want to take on this extra weight on her personal trip.
I was also unsure if I could assemble the needful items in time for her trip. There was a medical emergency in my family at that time.
Looking back I’m so glad she persisted in wanting to perform this courier duty.
As it turned out, she not only fulfilled all she needed to do in Nepal, but also took time off to climb the “epic” hill (cos her taxi couldn’t climb) and reached the village where the dog shelter was located. (I did this only once in 2018 with help).
My former student is all grown up now and wears many hats, among which is that of peacemaker to keep dogs from squabbling.
“I’ve never been so dirty and happy,” she texted me, referring to the muddy paw prints on her attire and person, as the dogs inundated her with cuddles.
Receiving the Baptism of Mud from shelter dog, Dorjie, to remind us to remain grounded no matter what our positions are.
Her enthusiasm in helping & subsequent initiative to seek out the shelter to hang out with the dogs & relief workers are compassion & wisdom at work. In return she felt honoured and blessed.
Art of Giving: Simple food lovingly cooked and respectfully given.
Today people living in the Southern Hemisphere observe the Winter Solstice. Yesterday those in the Northern Hempishere marked the Summer Solstice. It depends on our geographical positions.
But there’s a position which we all can claim regardless of who we are and where we’re born. And it is the position of power to render help. This power begins in the heart and radiates from the mind.
I believe it is this power that keeps people with limited resources going, and in turn inspire others to get involved.
Street Dog Care e.v. treats street dogs and shelters the ones that need a safe place to recover before returning to the community. It is supported by donation and run mostly by local staff & volunteers.
So I like to take this Solstice celebration to wish all of us the power to bring relief regardless of our positions, so that collectively we become a source of delight to all sentient beings.
Happy Solstice to you, and all sentient beings in the North, South, East & West. 🙏
Late lunch on a rainy afternoon at Spize yesterday.
Yesterday it rained nearly all day.
Rain would pour in through the kitchen window of our first flat in Prince Charles Square during the 70’s.
The plastic sheets hastily attached to the window grille with clothes pegs were useless against the slashing rain.
After the rain came the mopping. I resented living in a flat that leaked, ignorant of the fact that all the flats in that low SES neighbourhood of ours were subjected to the elements.
I guessed I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed of our living conditions had it not been for that one time when my well meaning school teacher and her husband decided to pay our home a visit.
I had managed to put off her attempts to visit my home a few times. And guess what I was doing on their surprise visit? Yes, mopping the floor!
But this time it included mopping up milk which my then baby brother had spilled when his milk bottle came crashing down.
My young teacher and her handsome husband stood in awkward silence as I picked up the glass shards and went about clearing the mess.
Looking back the rain that day had washed away my pride, and the broken milk bottle had shattered whatever illusions of economic wellness I was trying to project.
I think after that, my teacher learnt to respect her students’ boundaries. I learnt to tell the truth if I disagree with or lack anything, so that I don’t have to make up excuses.
My friend’s orange kitty, Sage, is selective about who gets to hang out with her, for how close and for how long.
My efforts to promote animal welfare do not impress her one bit.
My repertoire of animal knowledge is worth less a kibble to her.
But, if I know my place, Sage doesn’t mind eating a store bought treat from my hand. This means not trying to touch her when she’s trying to eat, or assuming that just because I have the means to buy things, I’m King.
Sage reminds me that I’m only a creature, just like her.
So whenever I need a dose of reality & liberation from egoistic tendencies, I make an appointment with Sage.
I was sitting on one of the benches facing the Boudha Stupa when 3 old persons with rickety gait came by.
El and I have sat like these many times whenever we stayed at Boudha. I often rest on one of these benches after one circumambulation around the Boudha Stupa while waiting for Ron & El to make many more rounds. (Dec 2019)
I made room on the bench for them. They bowed lightly, and took their places while adjusting their belongings amongst themselves.
The grandpa spoke to me in a language I didn’t understand. He had a fedora on and was bundled up in winter clothing. The two grandmas smiled. I smiled back at their weather beaten faces and gentle eyes.
Lacking the vocabularly to ask about another’s nationalities, beliefs, marital status or occupations, our exchanges were reduced to gestures of smiling, bowing and nodding. That was truly a John Lennon’s “Imagine” moment for me.
One of the grandmas handed the grandpa a small packet which he raised towards the Stupa and then placed lightly against his own forehead. After that he took out a tiny piece of reddish looking substance from the little bag. It resembled blusher that had been chipped off from a make up receptacle.
He then broke the terra cotta red bit into tinier pieces with his fingers and placed a bit of which on the open palms of each grandmas.
Turning towards me, he offered the same thing. Seeing how reverently they treated the powder, I held out my palms too.
After that, as if they had rehearsed it many times, the three of them looked up at the Stupa, placed what was on their palms into their mouths and brought both palms together in prayer.
As I stared in wonderment at their synchronised actions, the grandpa turned to me. He puffed up his chest to indicate that the powder would make me strong like them.
For added effect, he also slapped his forehead & sniffled dramatically to show that it could keep head & respiratory troubles away.
Now, I have my reservations about taking unknown substances from strangers.
But the simplicity and earnestness of the 3 sages to share health & strength with me neutralised all misgivings.
The encounter was made all the more poignant when I realised how far we had travelled to share this moment of healing under the Stupa. The following year, travel restrictions of all kinds would make it hard for me to visit Nepal.
Boudha Stupa (2018)
Perhaps at the heart of all communicative intent, it is not eloquence, but kindness that causes the mind to open.
Yesterday I marked the last day of February with a hair trim at Clementi and a ride on the MRT. I wanted to see if I could still make the walk and negotiate the station crowd.
As a survivor of childhood polio, I use a cane for support. This cane has taken me everywhere in Singapore and all the way to Nepal where I lit butter lamps at Boudha Stupa for peace upon all sentient beings. (2017)
I realised someone of my walking speed can be seen as a hindrance to those who are in a hurry, peak period or not. It is nothing personal.
As it doesn’t take much to trip & topple me, moving along with people close by will always be a challenge.
So I have to make peace with my slowness and accept that I will always be in someone’s way or several steps behind others.
And what better way to acknowledge my slow march for peace than to begin the month of March by using a present I received 2 Christmases ago!
From its matching wrapper and its embroidered cover to its textured pages, this gift speaks of time & dedication from its designer, manufacturer and giver.
And because I waited for the right moment to start using it, I’m able to begin the first page with deliriously happy memories gathered from the beginning of this year.
So may I wish all friends especially those feeling frazzled, the benefits of slowness as we march freely and consciously towards a peaceful destiny for ourselves and for all sentient beings. 🙏
Lunar New Year begins not at a countdown concert, but a trip to the temple of my childhood for me.
The pouring rain this year did not dampen our spirit one bit. We just learn to adjust expectations and accommodate one another’s transport challenges.
Starting the Year of the Rabbit with aromatic smoke offerings that carry our aspirations and the fragrance from this beautiful tree.
Year after year I return to this place to start my year. The temple door guardians are ever so welcoming, and figurines of deities feel like old friends. Being aware that one day all these may not be accessible to me for various reasons makes the yearly meet ups all the more precious.
My childhood temple door guardian.
The incense aroma strengthens my spirit even as my body ages. And the sight of fire and lighted lanterns energises my mind even as my hair loses its colour.
My lovely cousin, Michelle, faithfully records our gatherings year after year. She is also an admirer of batik.
Towards evening when the rain clouds lifted, a little green shoot on the trunk of the Chiku Tree greeted me. 😊
Spring indeed is the beginning of all things and the starting from zero. When we don’t hanker after what we don’t have or what used to be ours, Spring happens in us. 🙏
Posing with Year of the Rabbit CNY decor. Both of us were born in the Year of Rabbit and have been friends since for nearly 40 years.
Yesterday we repeated our favourite pre-celebration ritual of vegetarian meal, temple visits and decoration shopping in the Fortune Centre area. The last time we could do so maskless & free, was in 2020.
At the vegetarian cafe where we ordered longevity noodle. My lunar birthday fell on 1 Jan 2023 this year.
In 20 days’ time the Lunar New Year will be upon us.
It was good to see the old folks up and about at the vegetarian cafe. They were happily taking food orders and heartily conveying their choices to the kitchen.
The evening puja at Sri Krishnan Temple had started as we walked by. The aroma of incense offering and intermittent peal of brass temple bell lifted our spirit.
A moment of calm amidst the aromas of incense and peal of the prayer bells. Lord Hanuman watches over us as we pose for a picture at the beautiful Sri Krishnan Temple.
At the Kwan Im Thong Hood Cho Temple (Goddess of Mercy), devotees were quietly praying outside the closed temple gates as dusk fell.
A few steps ahead, we chanced upon a shop called “Good Neighbour,” that appeared to be only selling household goods. As we ventured further in, an array of chinese new year decors in shades of vermillion & carmine greeted our eyes.
Blessings and Prosperity are in our hands.
Even though it was near closing time, the staff and cashier remained hospitable to browsers and handled each customer’s enquiry good-naturedly.
The young man at the cashier counter code switched effortlessly among English, Mandarin, Malay and Hokkien depending on the language being used to address him.
“When beautiful people talk to me nicely, I will speak clearly too,” he shot back cheerfully when we expressed amazement at the accuracy of his Hokkien pronunciation.
After he had helped us take a picture with the Year of the Hare (Rabbit) decor, he respectfully wished the two of us elderly Rabbits good health and many years of new year jaunting to come.
With the multilingual and good natured Malaysian boy. We named him Golden Lion.
When my friend wished him the blessings of good employment & kind employer for all round prosperity, the carefree boy with studded ears and golden streaks in his hair listened intently & bowed lightly.
Our first day outing of 2023 came to a sweet close as we stopped for local ice cream wrapped in bread. Above us the nearly full moon shone.
Freedom is eating local ice cream wrapped in bread under the open evening sky.
Lisa Ong 