Allow & Accept

16 Dec 2025

November & December are pensive times for me. This is because the big move from one place to another & settling in with my cats & dog happened during these times.

Accepting what’s given in the Bowl of Life with the help of Wisdom.

I had lots of anxieties over my animals’ safety because of high floor living and worries over neighbours’ reactions if they made noise. Thankfully, my fears were unfounded.

My dog passed in 2014. The last of my cats passed in 2023.

It took me a few years to discard my dog’s health supplements because his name was on the label. I had to finally accept that he was never coming back.

Only last month, I decided to let my cats’ pain meds & insulin go. Their names were also on the labels.

Oliver, the last of 12 cats to leave me.

Only last month I decided to allow the tattered sofa which had hosted many human celebrations & animal passings to leave. Its base was disintegrating.

As soon as my mind stopped clinging to what couldn’t be fixed, it became open to new possibilities. A set of furniture with dimensions suited to my needs & with aesthetics far beyond my imagination was gifted to me. 🙏

In the blessed corner where my animals sat, played & passed on is now this beautiful antique chair & red cherries.

And last night, the TV that had refused to work since 2023, was finally replaced.

Ganesha mantra to consecrate the new tv.

I was the last on the delivery man’s route and the rain had caused further delays.

Despite his fatigue, the TV installation worker asked me to relax, while he checked if the old bracket could hold the new TV. It turned out everything had to be new.

He helped me get started on google tv, and assured me that I could follow the prompts.

After taking a sip of the drinking water I offered him, the deliverer of television added, “Don’t worry. Just Allow and Accept.”

Looking back, had I allowed & accepted my limp & its ensuing struggles earlier in my youth, I might have been more articulate about them and be less anxious in my adult life.

So by the power of my unnecessary suffering, may I wish all sentient beings the discernment & trust to allow & accept when needed, so that we don’t have to live in fear & sadness. 🙏🪷😊

Swinging with Time

1 Dec 2025

Swinging gently under a beautiful tree on Penang Lane. (20 Nov 2025)

Being somewhat ritualistic about the passage of Time, I try to do something different to mark the start or beginning of a month, and other significant days.

In my working days, I used to mark the beginning of each school holiday by visiting the Kwan Imm Temple in Middle Rd with my mom, followed by shopping.

My Mom making water offering to Lord Ganesha in one of our outings.

On each payday, the first item I bought would be meatballs for my dog, Shoya.

My dog, Shoya in our old place. I used to be able to take him for long walks. He passed on in 2014 at age 15. He loved meatballs & dimsum.

For a number of Decembers past, I would ride Bus 143 with my mom from Jurong East all the way to Toa Payoh & back, just to see the Christmas Lights! 😄

Over the years I find myself becoming less critical of the designs of our festive lightings.

When I stopped benchmarking our Christmas lightings against that of other countries’ I started to notice the smiling locals, migrant workers & tourists posing under them.

Wefie below Christmas Lights along 313 Somerset Rd this year.

Towards the eves of New Year & Christmas, I would catch up with feeders of street animals I had befriended. It was my way of thanking them for doing on a daily basis what I couldn’t.

As I age & our city gets more crowded, some of the activities mentioned above require more effort & planning.

And because I no longer have the stamina to walk under the Christmas Lights from Tanglin Mall to Plaza Singapura, any corner that shines now gives me immense joy. 🙏🙂

Any corner that shines gives me immense joy.

As we welcome the final month of 2025, may we swing along with Time & accept what cannot be changed, to make way for the guidance ahead. ♥️

Blessed Rain

13-11-25

Yesterday the drizzle turned into a downpour as I stood below the awning of OG Albert Complex to wait for my brother.

He had gone to Fu Lu Shou Complex to pick up my favourite incense. To reach any of the shops in it, there were a number of steps to climb.

By the time we were ready to head home, the cab fare had spiked.

While waiting for the fare to drop we decided to have our evening meal at Albert Food Centre.

My brother spoke enthusiastically of the stalls he had patronised. After hearing his heartfelt praise of the 嘛坡卤面 (Muar braised noodle) I lost all interest in the other food options. 😊

He found us a table & scurried off for the dish which by now had reached legendary status in my imagination.

A while later and under the harsh fluorescent lighting of the bustling food centre, an aged younger brother carried a bowl of noodles & walked carefully towards his crippled older sister, just like he used to when they were kids.

The Rain might have caused delays & fare hikes, but it has quenched the thirst of animals & plants, and given 2 siblings an uninterrupted catchup.

On our way home, we even stopped by a makeshift shrine outside Bencoolen Centre to give Ganesha a bath!

Facing our Mountain

10-11-25

“You were not born to be perfect.

You were not born to be happy all of the time.

But if you commit yourself each day to doing the work of being fully human and feeling even when you are afraid, you can transcend in a way that is truly beautiful.” – “The Mountain is You,” by Brianna Wiest.

I think when we allow ourselves to be sad over the inevitables, and give thanks for what used to be, we can find some sort of peace with the present.

Thankful Thursday: To Blend or To Trend?

14-8-25

Putting my best foot forward for my first ever black & white photograph in my adult life by Mr Do Huu Phuoc.

To wish for what one cannot change or become is suffering indeed.

In my youth, I admired my peers for being able to prance about in their heels and slingbacks, and spin gracefully on their ankles to express joy.

In my youth I often placed my legs one against the other hoping they would look more normal. (June 2000, Beijing, China)

These were devices of discomfort and shame for a young girl who badly wanted to look and walk like normal people.

So instead of being grateful for the grounding support of my metal brace & laced up boots, I resented them for being constant reminders of my physical impairment.

As soon as I stopped fighting the brace at 60, the burden of hiding my deformity since I was 7 lifted .

Thankfully in the past couple of years, a series of pain episodes have shown me “resistance is futile,” especially at my age.

So early this year at the physiotherapist’s office, I cuddled & prayed over the plaster mold of my leg she made before sending it out to the brace maker.

Blessing my mold before it was sent to the brace maker in USA.

I even apologised to the likes of the boots I rejected in my youth. In my desperate attempts to blend, I was blind to the possibility of starting what could have been a trend.

Last month at Red Wing, as the lace of my boots tightened, and the leather sides aligned to meet my ankle, I felt a shift from dread to peace.

It was like coming home to myself. No more wishing to be someone else, no more apologising for my limp & no more fear of rejection.

As I thought about how wonderful it would be if someone could capture my moment of acceptance, a photographer happened to drop by.

I wish for someone to document my acceptance moment & a photographer decided to drop by the shoe shop I was in. 🙏

Even though he felt the lighting was not ideal for the photograph he had in mind, he would still like to take some pictures to help me remember.

Mr Do Huu Phuoc did not ask me to lose my cane or stand in a particular way. He photographed me when I was feeling my best.

I gladly accepted his offer. And this time for my first black & white shot of my adult life & for the first time in my whole life, I made zero effort to hide my leg, but happily put my best foot forward. 😄

远方的乡愁 (Homesickness)

13 March 2025

How could you miss a place you hadn’t visited? I could. Through my grandmother.

My cat, Oliver, on map of Kinmen Island.

My grandmother was born in city of Houpu on Kinmen Island in 1914. It was 3 years after the fall of the Ching Dynasty and the start of World War 1.

When she was 7 years old, turbulent times forced her to leave Kinmen for Singapore. She never set foot on her birth place nor saw her parents ever again.

This yearning for Kinmen would manifest in the constant repetition of her family name, her language group, her city of birth, and in her cooking & aesthetics.

In 2019, when I arrived in Kinmen for the first time and saw her family name written in gold characters, I felt a surge of awe! So this is the character that my grandma was so concerned about throughout her whole life!

An ancestral shrine bearing the family name of my grandmother.

She taught me how her family name, 翁 “ongg” should be pronounced using the first tone in Kinmen language. It was not to be mistaken for 王 “ong” which was using the second tone.

My grandmother was the only person I know who had nostalgic feelings for words.

When I walked the lanes of her birth place, I felt a sense of homecoming & reunion on her behalf. The red lanterns hanging about bearing the city’s name “后浦” may appear ordinary to the locals & tourists. But for me who had heard my grandmother speak it for years, I finally understood 后浦 is real, and not a figment of an old woman’s imagination.

Houpu, my grandmother’s beloved city of birth.

My grandma could have passed by & even touched this ancient tree in her birth city.

Outside a temple where an ancient banyan tree of more than a 100 years old stood, I touched its trunk reverently. My grandmother could have touched the same tree too.

Apart from words, my grandmother also kept Kinmen alive through her cooking. Her spring rolls, longevity noodles面线, glutinous rice油饭, leek 大蒜& yam dishes were quintessentially Kinmenese.

Strands of noodles swaying in the Kinmen breeze & sun taught me why my grandmother was ever so joyful when she cooked bowls of “mee sua” for us. The ever delicate longevity noodles was probably one of her few tangible links to memories of her Kinmen home.

My grandma always cooked “Mee Sua” or longevity noodles with joy.

In the news the narratives surrounding Kinmen Island tend to focus on geopolitical issues & what Kinmen can offer in terms of enjoyment & entertainment. But for folks like me, this little island has done more than its share of giving, sheltering & loving. It now deserves to be revered, cherished & protected.

I’m honoured to have visited this magical island that my grandmother pined for till her demise. I wish Kinmen everlasting peace & prosperity for the benefit of everyone, regardless of their beliefs.

Christmas Eve Question

24-12-24

Presenting Christmas log cake to Asher, the shelter cat at Metta Cats & Dogs Sanctuary. (22-12-24)

About 20 Christmas Eves ago, I passed by 4 dogs sheltering under a vacated apartment block. There had been an on off drizzle much like today.

Grateful that I didn’t hesitate to help animals & share my interest with students when I was able to move without a walking aid. (Nanyang Girls’ High School, 2004)

I went home, put down my stuff & went out again to the supermarket to get dog food and aluminium trays in preparation to feed them.

My old flat at Blk 3 Teban Gardens Road (1999-2012)

By the time I got to the abandoned block, I couldn’t find the dogs.

A sense of disappointment mixed with deepening unease crept up on me as I surveyed the deserted neighbourhood in the failing light.

At that moment of uncertainty, a voice called out to me,”Miss Ong, what are you doing here?”

I turned around. Two boys had seemed to materialise from nowhere. They introduced themselves as students from one of the schools I had worked in.

The boys who helped me complete my dog feeding mission told me they came from St Joseph’s Institution.

When I told them about my failed feeding attempt, they took over the trays of dog food and completed my mission.

8 years after that Christmas Eve encounter, I would be relocated to a new flat that sits on the land where I fed the homeless dogs.

View from my current flat. (Sunrise on 10-12-24)

And each Christmas Eve especially on a cool evening like this, I will hear the Angels loud & clear: “Miss Ong, what are you doing here?” 🙏

Since that Christmas Eve encounter, and aided by friends, my animal helping work has extended beyond Singapore. (Rocky & Lakshmi, Nepal 2024)

“Miss Ong, what are you doing here?” Asked the Angels loud & clear. (Boudha Stupa 2024)

Thoughtful Thursday: Starting Right

23-5-24

Oliver welcoming my first Himalayan singing bowl on 8 Dec 2018.

When the cats were here, I began my day with changing their water bowls & replenishing their kibbles. It was usually followed by incense & butter lamp lighting. In their final months, their medical needs directed my mantra recitations.

Each morning my cats, Oliver & Emmanuel led me towards the altar where Compassion represented by Avalokithesvara & Wisdom represented by Ganesha sit.

I’m still processing their absence. And now in their memory, I begin my day by paying attention to my heart & breath.

When I started doing that, gifts that promoted physical, emotional & spiritual well being from female elders started coming my way. They were a yoga chair to strengthen my standing, a hand carried meditation cushion bought 10 years ago in Rishikesh, India to facilitate my sitting and a newly printed book from its UK author to aid my spiritual evolution.

Gifts of yoga chair & meditation cushion from Wise Women.

A few days before yesterday’s full moon, a younger friend gave me a book on words that console, and another on embracing impermanence.

On Vesak Day morning, as I listened to a mantra on compassion I received a call which allowed me to share my understanding of wounds, medicine, & mending.

Much like the teenage footballers whom I used to mentor who always entered the soccer field with their right foot, I’m a believer in starting the day right.

Yesterday I was beyond grateful to begin a high holiday by offering words of assurance and healing, just like how I used to offer sustenance & hugs to my cats & dog. ♥️😊

Starting right includes choosing to be kind instead of right.

Hari Raya Moments

10-4-24

On Hari Raya morning, after prayers at the mosque, First Tutee and his Grand Uncle dropped by my home.

Grand Uncle & First Tutee on Hari Raya morning after prayers at the mosque. (10 April 2024)

They brought coffee & cake too. 😊

Listening to a pre-teen speak animatedly about his new friends and being in the secondary school basketball team without either of us looking at our phones felt almost sacred.

“See, see! So paiseh!” First Tutee chuckled at the video of his fall on the basketball court.

The only time he checked his phone was to show me a video of him during a match. “So paiseh!” He chuckled good naturedly about tripping on the court.

“Maybe you come & watch me play in the next match?” He suggested. “But it’s in the stadium,” his voice trailed off.

Before they left for the day’s activities, First Tutee took some pictures from the window which he used to sit at before he entered primary one.

Kitty watches over the boy who used to spell, draw & color by the window as he becomes a teenager in a couple of months. (2018)

Hari Raya means Day of Celebration in the Malay Language. Here on our little island where our children & youth of various backgrounds can grow, learn & play together safely is truly worth celebrating.

So here’s to many more rayas ahead as we protect the peace that has been carefully nurtured by our forefathers over the years. 🙏

First Tutee insisted on this pose to show how tall he had grown.

*paiseh – singlish meaning “embarrassing.”

Stepping into Clarity

5 March 2024

“Be as kind to yourself as you are compassionate to others.” -Teaching 1.1.1 of Sacred Feet Yoga Teachings

For 40 odd years I bore a grudge against my dad over the way he treated my grandmother during one of her clinic visits.

In my teenage years, wheelchairs were not a regular sight like they are in Singapore now. To spare her some walking, my dad borrowed a pick up truck to take my grandmother for her treatment. And as if the logistical challenge was not enough, the clinic was on the second floor of a shophouse.

The shophouse stairs were narrow, and could only accommodate one user safely at a time.

When her clinic visit was over, my dad & I waited at the bottom of the stairs for my grandmother.

The concrete stairs that my grandma had to descend looked somewhat in terms of width & steepness like these wooden steps. (Chiangmai, 2014)

I could see my grandmother on top of the stairs struggling to put one foot down after the other while holding on to the hand support for dear life. My dad started yelling at her to hurry up.

Maybe because of high blood pressure & weak legs, the descent was hard for her. The narrow and steep steps might have also affected her vision and threatened her sense of balance.

Yet despite knowing my grandmother’s situation, I was too scared of my dad’s temper to ask him to quit stressing her.

She did finally made it down the stairs safely. Since then, I have a love-hate regard for steep stairs for they link me to her but in an unpleasant one.

And whenever I thought of my dad’s impatience towards her, I got angry with him. But most of all, I was angrier with me for not standing up for my grandma.

Recently at the hospital I witnessed a similar child-parent altercation. This time there was a wheelchair for the elderly father. But the adult son was either upset that they had missed their queue number or the consultation hadn’t taken place at the appointed time.

“You think I don’t have to work, is it?” He yelled, while the medical officer tried to placate the situation.

Like my dad, this man in work uniform must have taken leave to accompany his parent. And maybe like my dad, he might have also borrowed a vehicle for the purpose. And the above stressors would explain how concern for an infirmed parent can easily turn into resentment & harsh words when caregiving duty clashes with keeping a job.

Witnessing the son’s outburst helped me see my dad’s struggle for the first time after so many years.

This realisation may have come a little late, but it feels as if my dad wants me to know that I don’t have to feel angry with him or myself anymore, and there are no more obstacles for my grandma to clear. 😊🙏