Around my 60th birthday I dreamt of my dad. In the dream he was working in a garden when I approached him. I showed him a dog I was cradling in my arms. He smiled approvingly.
Dad and me in my 30s at Westlake Restaurant in Farrer Rd.
In my childhood my dad taught me to pick up chicks, ducklings and rabbits gently so as not to hurt them. My maternal grandfather taught me to hold my fountain pen steadily & with just enough pressure when I’m writing to protect the nib.
With Shoya in early 2000s at our old home.
As I get older, these childhood experiences guide me to handle what I love, be it an object or a living being, with a light touch, so that I don’t spoil them & they don’t possess me.
In the dream it started to drizzle and the sky was darkening. I got into my dad’s truck so he could send me home. The dog in my arm started to whimper when the truck rumbled.
We decided it was best that I walked. As I started walking, dogs from all corners starting appearing & wagging their tails at me.
I turned around excitedly to look back at my dad to check if he had seen them too.
He nodded to show he did. Then he waved me onwards like he used to whenever I visited & it was time to leave. Only this time he wasn’t waving me towards the elevator, but onto a brightly lighted gravel path.
Oliver welcoming my first Himalayan singing bowl on 8 Dec 2018.
When the cats were here, I began my day with changing their water bowls & replenishing their kibbles. It was usually followed by incense & butter lamp lighting. In their final months, their medical needs directed my mantra recitations.
Each morning my cats, Oliver & Emmanuel led me towards the altar where Compassion represented by Avalokithesvara & Wisdom represented by Ganesha sit.
I’m still processing their absence. And now in their memory, I begin my day by paying attention to my heart & breath.
My Heart & My Breath. (24 October 2022)
When I started doing that, gifts that promoted physical, emotional & spiritual well being from female elders started coming my way. They were a yoga chair to strengthen my standing, a hand carried meditation cushion bought 10 years ago in Rishikesh, India to facilitate my sitting and a newly printed book from its UK author to aid my spiritual evolution.
Gifts of yoga chair & meditation cushion from Wise Women.
A few days before yesterday’s full moon, a younger friend gave me a book on words that console, and another on embracing impermanence.
On Vesak Day morning, as I listened to a mantra on compassion I received a call which allowed me to share my understanding of wounds, medicine, & mending.
Much like the teenage footballers whom I used to mentor who always entered the soccer field with their right foot, I’m a believer in starting the day right.
Yesterday I was beyond grateful to begin a high holiday by offering words of assurance and healing, just like how I used to offer sustenance & hugs to my cats & dog. ♥️😊
Starting right includes choosing to be kind instead of right.
Drawing of Ganesh adorns the box of handmade sweets I received in 2016.
“Madame, please buy it. It’s very nice!” gushed the indian shop assistant. His lady boss at their grocery shop looked on sternly.
The mass produced laddoo being promoted was sealed in plastic wrapping. I could see it had been tossed about quite a bit. I wasn’t even sure if it was still edible, much less tasty.
A laddoo is a bright saffron colored spherical sweet made from flour, sugar, ghee & dry fruits. It is presented as snacks and offerings for celebratory & hindu religious purposes.
Taking Indian sweets with unsweetened massal tea makes me feel like a rani.
Having been exposed to freshly made indian sweets since I was a kid, and as an adult, tasted delightful morsels sold by weight, I’m somewhat of a sweet snob.
Years of savouring sweets sold by weight have made me into a sweet snob.
But what if the shop assistant needed me to buy THAT laddoo in order to show his boss that he was a good employee?
When I agreed to add that tired & slightly toxic looking golf ball sized sweet onto my grocery purchase, the shop assistant beamed in delight while his boss’ face opened like a flower in wonderment.
“You mean you would buy this laddoo from him just because he asked you to?” She clarified, amazed.
“Of course! He’s so enthusiastic about the laddoo. No harm giving it a chance,” I chortled.
Back home as I placed the shabby *prasad at *Ganesha’s feet, I apologised for the way it looked, & promised I would get him nicer ones next time.
Rose quartz Ganaesha in my home.
The next day I had no heart to toss out the laddoo. It was food after all, even if it didn’t meet my standard.
So I took a little bite. And it was the tastiest laddoo I’ve ever eaten! As expected, I single-handedly polished off the whole prasad in one sitting. 😄
On this eve of celebrating compassion & wisdom, may our heart & mind stay open to little acts that can sweeten our life and the lives of others in unexpected ways. 🙏
*prasad – offerings in sanskrit language *Ganesha – elephant headed hindu diety associated with wisdom & possibilities.
My interest in sweets causes me to leave sweets for the housekeepers who take care of the rooms I stay when I travel.
On Hari Raya morning, after prayers at the mosque, First Tutee and his Grand Uncle dropped by my home.
Grand Uncle & First Tutee on Hari Raya morning after prayers at the mosque. (10 April 2024)
They brought coffee & cake too. 😊
Listening to a pre-teen speak animatedly about his new friends and being in the secondary school basketball team without either of us looking at our phones felt almost sacred.
“See, see! So paiseh!” First Tutee chuckled at the video of his fall on the basketball court.
The only time he checked his phone was to show me a video of him during a match. “So paiseh!” He chuckled good naturedly about tripping on the court.
“Maybe you come & watch me play in the next match?” He suggested. “But it’s in the stadium,” his voice trailed off.
Before they left for the day’s activities, First Tutee took some pictures from the window which he used to sit at before he entered primary one.
Kitty watches over the boy who used to spell, draw & color by the window as he becomes a teenager in a couple of months. (2018)
Hari Raya means Day of Celebration in the Malay Language. Here on our little island where our children & youth of various backgrounds can grow, learn & play together safely is truly worth celebrating.
So here’s to many more rayas ahead as we protect the peace that has been carefully nurtured by our forefathers over the years. 🙏
First Tutee insisted on this pose to show how tall he had grown.
“Be as kind to yourself as you are compassionate to others.” -Teaching 1.1.1 of Sacred Feet Yoga Teachings
For 40 odd years I bore a grudge against my dad over the way he treated my grandmother during one of her clinic visits.
In my teenage years, wheelchairs were not a regular sight like they are in Singapore now. To spare her some walking, my dad borrowed a pick up truck to take my grandmother for her treatment. And as if the logistical challenge was not enough, the clinic was on the second floor of a shophouse.
The shophouse stairs were narrow, and could only accommodate one user safely at a time.
When her clinic visit was over, my dad & I waited at the bottom of the stairs for my grandmother.
The concrete stairs that my grandma had to descend looked somewhat in terms of width & steepness like these wooden steps. (Chiangmai, 2014)
I could see my grandmother on top of the stairs struggling to put one foot down after the other while holding on to the hand support for dear life. My dad started yelling at her to hurry up.
Maybe because of high blood pressure & weak legs, the descent was hard for her. The narrow and steep steps might have also affected her vision and threatened her sense of balance.
Yet despite knowing my grandmother’s situation, I was too scared of my dad’s temper to ask him to quit stressing her.
She did finally made it down the stairs safely. Since then, I have a love-hate regard for steep stairs for they link me to her but in an unpleasant one.
And whenever I thought of my dad’s impatience towards her, I got angry with him. But most of all, I was angrier with me for not standing up for my grandma.
Recently at the hospital I witnessed a similar child-parent altercation. This time there was a wheelchair for the elderly father. But the adult son was either upset that they had missed their queue number or the consultation hadn’t taken place at the appointed time.
“You think I don’t have to work, is it?” He yelled, while the medical officer tried to placate the situation.
Like my dad, this man in work uniform must have taken leave to accompany his parent. And maybe like my dad, he might have also borrowed a vehicle for the purpose. And the above stressors would explain how concern for an infirmed parent can easily turn into resentment & harsh words when caregiving duty clashes with keeping a job.
Witnessing the son’s outburst helped me see my dad’s struggle for the first time after so many years.
This realisation may have come a little late, but it feels as if my dad wants me to know that I don’t have to feel angry with him or myself anymore, and there are no more obstacles for my grandma to clear. 😊🙏
My dad as a young man. He lost his own dad when he was 8 months. He was raised by a single mother, my grandmother.
My younger brothers & paternal grandma in our Prince Charles Square home. (1976/77)
For various reasons, meet ups with siblings, who are our first childhood companions, seem to occur less regularly than a leap year.
Nearly 50 years on… ( Year of the Dragon celebration 2024)
For some in our growing up years, judgements & ignorance separated us. Thankfully, as we get older, wisdom gained from accepting setbacks & realising life’s fragility can help to mend the drift.
Time spent with siblings also allows us to recall our shared history, relive our favourite moments & seek clarity on episodes that hurt us, so that we don’t have to keep carrying them around.
Lunar New Year outing to Albert Street. (2024)
I’ve known sibling bonds that have cushioned the impact of parental conflicts in childhood and lent support in education & career disappointments during formative years. Sibling bonds can even help weather marital storms & health challenges.
Car ride to Pierce Reservoir (2023)
Just this week I saw a pair of elderly brothers making their way to the doctor’s consultation room. The patient showed signs of mental deterioration and an uncertain gait. And his accompanying brother held him by the shoulder to guide him on his path.
My childhood disability was not just a financial & emotional drain on the family. It was also a burden on my younger brothers who silently bore the taunts that were directed at their sister.
Brothers on a lunar new year outing to Chinese Gardens.
In our advancing years while we can still make time to create happy moments with our siblings to balance the less savoury ones, let’s not wait.
Brothers chatting about cars during Year of the Dragon celebration.
Mandala of Sweets for the Full Moon. May we remember all the pockets of sweetness in life that have been bestowed upon us. May we be forgiving to ourselves & others. May we be receptive to teachings to improve all lives.
Yesterday’s full moon was not only a time for reunion meals for those celebrating lunar new year but also Lailat al Bara-ah for Muslims (day of forgiveness) & Sangha Day (day of teaching) for Buddhists.
Prayers on Lailat al Bara-ah yesterday evening.
In that context, cab fares island wide were understandably higher than usual. Passengers for rides increased even as drivers may have slowed down to fulfill their familial & spiritual obligations.
Instead of lamenting & stressing over the price hikes, I stopped to have a salad. While refreshing myself with the greens I recalled the times where my cab fares were low & journeys were eased by the goodwill of many others.
Messengers of Ease: Oasis Holistics founder, Erika Khoo and media lecturer, Jailani Abu Bakar.
Yesterday was also my yoga teacher’s birthday. She was born in the Year of the Dragon, and is looking stronger each year we meet. In the quiet of the salad shop, I sent her a birthday greeting.
The cab fare had dropped by the time I finished my meal. When I reached home, I was greeted by the sight of the golden yellow moon. ❤️😊
This morning I offered a belated mandala of sweets to the first Full Moon of the Dragon Year.
Mandala of Sweets for the first full moon of the Dragon Year.
May the brightness of her light illuminate our mind & the simplicity of her shape calm our heart so that we may call on the sweetness of life to see us through trying times. ❤️🙏
We are known by the goodwill we send out. These decorations were put up in the common area by a resident whom I have not met.
First Picture with the temple door guardian on the first Day of the Year of the Dragon. (10 Feb 2024)
Each lunar new year, I feel the calling of the temple door guardians and the chiku tree in the backyard of my childhood.
The old chiku tree in the backyard is all dressed up and poised for a new beginning. 🙏❤️
The pair’s paintwork continues to shine through decades of incense smoke & fire. They remind me of my late maternal grandfather who quietly braved the storms of life and remained kind.
Posing with the other temple door guardian, who was a comforting presence in my childhood and later on a colossal influence over my interest in religious iconography in my adult life.
The chiku tree continues to thrive and provide for birds, insects and many lives, long after my dad who planted it is gone.
3 generations of women gathering under the shade of the Giving Chiku Tree.
And despite not being the centre of attention, this old tree is dressed in auspicious reds & symbols of prosperity & abundance to receive a new beginning.
Receiving Spring & wishing good ❤️health upon all sentient beings.
May our spirit of renewal continue, and even be enhanced, by time & circumstances. 🙏
Shelter cat, Tenzin, meditates on the condiments before we use them.
Yesterday I had the honour of helping to prepare a lunar new year dish at the Mettacats & Dogs Sanctuary to welcome the Year of the Wood Dragon.
White for new beginning, red for life affirming & green for renewal.
After the animals’ living spaces & human meeting area were cleaned & tidied up, it was time to make auspicious aspirations for the shelter residents and all sentient creatures.
Marcus makes sure the animals’ living space is spick & span.
Each sprinkling of condiments and drizzling of sauces over the carrots, radishes & cucumbers were accompanied by verbal recitations of wishes for health, harmony, abundance & prosperity.
Terry & Marcus unwrapped the condiments & sauces to form a circle of good wishes around the carrots, radish & cucumbers.
The cats looked on with quiet wonderment at the strange human ritual. How can people get so excited about vegetables?
Kenji wonders why can’t he join in the tossing of the salad. It’s not as if he’s gonna eat the vegetables.
As we tossed the artlessly julienned red, white & green pieces to mix well with the consciously crafted blessings embedded in the seasonings, I felt the reunion of thought, speech & action from within. 😊🙏
May the change of seasons that brings about energy shifts enhance the mindful recalibrations of our life’s purpose & positive intentions towards others.
Tam Tam, the cat who lives on the edge makes an appearance as we wish for ease & safely for all sentient beings.
In 2019, I made 2 trips to Kinmen Island, my grandmother’s birthplace. One full moon evening I was walking on a street of the old city when I met an old lady. She was dressed in a traditional qipao/ cheongsum made of pink shimmering fabric. She was also using a cane. As we crossed path, she smiled at me. Although I was too stunned to ask for a picture with her, I will never forget the joy she radiated.
As a part time library assistant in my student days, I met two senior ladies from the management who left lasting impressions on me.
The Central Library where I worked part time and met the two senior ladies about 40 years ago. I was a teenager then.
Both of them held positions of authority. Both had education, culture and wealth.
The First Senior Lady did not suffer fools and had a way with words if you did not meet her standards. The perpetual scowl on her face even when she was not upset contrasted dramatically with her coiffured hair & her well made clothes.
The Second Senior Lady got things done by explaining & correcting. With her blazer drapped over her shoulders, and in a soft voice, she would show how things should & could have been. Her thinning hair did not make her look aged, but instead gave her a look of impish innocence. She seemed to shed gold dust when she worked with us. Each time she pointed out our errors she left us feeling wanting to do better.
Years later, I would run into Second Senior Lady in Esplanade Theatre lobby. When I greeted her, she still shone like a chandelier even though she was in an ordinary dress.
The Japanese have a practice of summing up a year in one word. If I had to use one word to describe my experience of Second Senior Lady, the word would be “Gold.” For First Senior Lady, “Crushed,” came to mind.
I wonder what word would define me as I’m also a senior lady myself now.
My yoga teacher, Erika was 60 when we met. Now she’s 72 and I’m 60. She is healthy & happy, sharing her knowledge freely. (Madras Woodlands Restaurant, January 2024)
I think often of Second Senior Lady. Recently I found her presence in Queen Margarette II of Denmark as she announced her abdication.
Beyond diet & lifestyle, ageing well is also about watching one’s mind & behaviour.
As our looks fade, and strength wanes, our thoughts, speech and manners gain prominence.
When we have a habit of thinking ill of others or we’re above them, we may develop a habitual sneer. So it’s good to watch our mind & refine our thoughts instead of assuming we’re right just because we have lived longer.
And a voice that carries complaints & unreasonable demands grates on the nerves of people around us. So watching our mouth to avoid causing harm & be totally ignored later on is a priority too.
Finally like Queen Magarette II, who had the wisdom to abdicate her authority when she still could, senior ladies must also learn that whether we like it or not, a time when we can no longer take centre stage will come. This means accepting the loss of attention from others & becoming more at ease with what doesn’t please us. And maybe then we have the chance to turn gold. 😊
Had a great day in a former student’s art studio in 2021 doing nothing special. Because there are thousand & one things that can go wrong when we approach old age, every bit of joy counts.
Lisa Ong 