Because they can’t talk, I learn to listen better.

16 November 2023

My 20-year-old cat, Oliver died on the 50th day of the passing of his buddy, Emmanuel. Emmanuel was 19.

Through their lives, these 2 cats have given me 39 years’ worth of companionship and teachings on living & dying.

Because they can’t talk, I learn to listen to their needs by watching their eyes, facial expressions and body language.

Oliver listens to Saraswati Mantra with me.

Because they can’t talk, and can’t defend themselves verbally, I learn to listen to myself before my judgement becomes my reality.

Emmanuel is always protected by Mother Mary.

And because they can’t talk, I learn to make supplications on their behalf.

Took my boys to see the Boudha Stupa this December.

The late Lama Zopa Rinpoche taught that animals don’t just come to us for food & shelter.

Indeed.

As Emmanuel needed home treatment involving needles that I fear and my stiff fingers are not of much help, I started listening to the Medicine Buddha Mantra to overcome fear and steady my hands.

At Kopan Gompa on 12/12/23 to give thanks to late Lama Zopa from whom I’m learning to care for animals beyond their material needs.

As Oliver liked to stay on my lap to listen to devotional chanting or singing, I learned to be still like him and let the words sink in. This was also how my longest living cat left his body.

Until last year, Oliver & Emmanuel had never fallen ill. Unwell animals disguise their pains & injuries to avoid evoking the predatory instincts of the healthy ones. But I also believe my cats endured their illnesses so that I may evolve spiritually.

The quiet in my flat now seems to hold the mantras & music we have listened together over the years.

So on Oliver and Emmanuel’s behalf I wish to thank everyone who has ever smiled at or said kind words to those who cannot talk. In a broken world, any speech made with the intention to heal is sacred to the listener.

Blessings of Light on Oliver. This was our 20th Deepavali together. The next day he entered a good death.

Life ends, but blessings bestowed are forever.

Thank you, friends and all. ❤️🙏

October 4

4-10-23

Oct 4 is the Feast Day of St Francis of Assisi and World Animal Day.

The stories & prayers of St Francis where he mediated on behalf of a wolf and addressed all natural elements as brothers & sisters resonated deeply with me.

Through him I learnt that for good to manifest, every intention needs to come from a place of peace & humility, not judgement.

One of the privileges of being born human is the ability to comfort another being. On our way to Metta Cat & Dog Sanctuary, we always stop by to greet the cats of Mdm Wong’s Shelter.

Since 2007, I’ve been trying to observe 4 Oct by doing something special related to him & animals.

Marcus being greeted by Wednesday on World Animal Day morning. (Metta Cat & Dog Sanctuary)

Today I feel blessed to spend time at an animal shelter and to light butter lamps at a tibetan buddhist temple.

As the day draws to a close and with Krishna Das’ chants filling up my living space, may I return this favour that has been so generously bestowed on me, by wishing everyone the Peace of St Francis of Assisi and Kindness to Self & All Animal Beings. ❤️🙏😊

May these lamps illuminate all sentient beings so that they may transcend suffering & death, and find peace.

Goodbye to All That

11-10-23

Yesterday as the Oct 10 or 10/10 discounts on various online shopping platforms raged on, I found my interest to acquire more displaced by an urgency to discard.

As I gave thanks for the leaves that formed a mandala 2 full moons ago which had since shrivelled up and become brittle, I bade goodbye to aspects of my disposition that have kept my heart small and my mind fragile.

I bade goodbye to pettiness, so that I may be freed from fault finding.

I bade goodbye to perfection, so that I may be freed from fear.

I bade goodbye to self-righteousness so that I may be freed from ignorance.

Perhaps the glorious goldening of leaves and their dramatic shedding at this time of the year are gestures from a very benevolent universe to ease the deaths of personal habitual patterns that are hindering our ascension.

New Moon Eve

14 Sep 2023

Having Massala Papad at Khailash Prabat Restaurant along Syed Alwi Rd today.

Today was my first visit to Syed Alwi Road since 2019. The pandemic and lockdown seem such distant memories. How quickly 4 years just passed like that!

Pre-pandemic shot. At Syed Alwi Rd 4 years ago. (7 Nov 2019)

At Mustaffa Centre, I saw the circular enameled plates of my childhood. All the way to our late teens, my brother & I had gathered around it to make pink & red dumplings of glutinous rice flour every year.

Enameled plates on which Chinese families knead glutinous rice flour to make dumplings and Malay families assemble Nasi Ambeng ingredients for communal dining.

In my friend’s home, it was a platter on which his mom assembled her Nasi Ambeng ingredients for communal dining.

It is amazing how an ordinary household item links cultures and evokes nostalgia.

Today we also had our fill of pani puris, channa puris & papad masala, and TWO servings of masala tea. Indian food is also my comfort food. It reminds me of my neighbour, Asha, who created unlimited supply of thosai, curries, murukus and snacks from her single burner kerosene stove for us kids.

What was meant to be just a lift to my medical appointment turned into a full blown tea with shopping and purchase of flower garlands thrown in.

The much loved deep fried little pockets made of dhal flour.

Perhaps in the face of volatile politics, fickle human dynamics and unpredictable climate, we find solace in memories of people who had loved us without expectations, in humble utensils and affordable snacks that have withstood the test of time.

This is my dream menu. I’ve always wanted to try the indian street snacks showns in documentaries & vlogs.

Sweets for New Moon and to wish my former tutee, Niq, a sweet start and sweet finish to his PSLE. Coming Monday is Ganesh Charthurti.

Flowers as Teachers

12 Sep 2023

A bouquet from a student whom I taught 36 years ago arrived today.
(11 Sep 2023)

In my childhood, I spent hours pottering among plants. I stuck the wooden stems of paper flowers into soil and believed they would become real flowers if I could just focus. I sometimes got scolded for removing offering decorations from the altar to put them in dirt. 😄

This crochet sunflower is as precious as the real ones. (Teachers’ Day gift 2023)

In my youth, flowers assured me that I was accepted & appreciated.

These lovely girls & their sunflower gift. (NYGH, 2004)

Now in old age, flowers remind me to always carry the Sun in my heart, & challenge me to bloom my best regardless of how much time that’s left.

Yesterday all the yellows, reds & golds descended in my home through the kindness of people I’ve known for a long long time.

So I felt very compelled to dress up for the flowers and take some pictures to honour them and their givers.

Flowers make us smile & teach us to hold everything lightly.

May the blessings of flowers open our heart & mind, for our good and the good of others. 😊🙏

Never Too Late

6 Sep 2023

The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche.

My first copy of “The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying,” came from Borders the Bookshop at Wheelock Place. I bought it out of curiosity.

I had what I called “reader’s block,” and gave the book away in 2012. My inability or refusal to accept then that life ends despite our best efforts probably kept me from receiving the guidance in the book.

Over the years, the passing of 10 cats and 1 dog in my care, and the gruesome deaths of cherished community cats from dog attacks have eroded my state of denial. Death is just round the corner.

And with Emmanuel & Oliver’s deteriorating health, I’ll be witnessing death for the 11th & 12th time.

They are my longest living cats. I need to be better prepared for their passing so as to do justice to their companionship of 18 years.

So last week I ordered a copy of “The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying,” after assessing my receptivity to it via Libby APP.

Today as First Tutee and Granduncle came to see Oliver and pray over him, the book also arrived. 🙏❤️😊

First Tutee sees Oliver as his First Cat. They met in 2017.

So every thing has its timing. What we cannot understand or refuse to understand will make sense at some point. And friends who live in our thoughts will appear at the right time when needed.

And I cannot ask for a better alignment of intention, needs and spiritual aid like the one I had today. 🙏🪔

Super Moon Sound Healing

30-8-23

Whenever I pronounce the name of the Goddess of Wisdom, “Saraswati”, I feel articulate & calm.

One recent Sunday evening on the ride home, I felt a strong need to listen to a “Saraswati” mantra, specifically the version sung by Krishna Das.

So right there in the living room of my flat with Oliver on my lap, we listened as Saraswati’s Beej Mantra filled up our home through the deep but effortless chanting of Krishna Das.

Oliver & I on a Sunday evening with Ma Saraswati. 🙏

Today a friend shared what a mantra is with me.

“A mantra is a kind of magic formula that, once uttered, can entirely change a situation. It can change us, and it can change others. But this magic formula must be spoken in concentration, with body and mind focused as one. What you say in this state of being becomes a mantra.” – Thich Nhat Hahn

The late Thich Nhat Hahn’s spoken words in his accented English always feel very warm to me.

Oliver sat very still throughout the Saraswati mantra. Maybe he was receiving the wisdom he needed to have an easy & relaxing stay at the veterinary clinic in a few days’ time.

At the vet before he was admitted for a 2 day stay.

May the Super Full Moon tonight share her crystal silence with us, so that in that clarity everything we choose to hear & say becomes a mantra to benefit all sentient beings. 🙏

New Moon Mandala of Leaves

16-8-23

The exceptionally beautiful tree we met this morning also shed gorgeous leaves.

We bowed to the tie dye combo of emerald green, glorious gold, fiery copper and chrome yellow as we bent low to pick one leaf after another.

More leaves fell as the breeze rose, as if the tree was shedding her grace on us.

I told my brother that I would make a mandala out of these leaves that have been bathed by moonlight for the New Moon tonight.

He placed the 12 leaves in the car boot so they wouldn’t get crushed.

May the New Moon bless all that she touches even if they have to fall to the ground one day. And may all sentient beings be endowed with Grace to turn all life lessons into gold. 🙏

Land Rover & Batiked Granny

21-8-23

There I was, silver haired and clad in batik pants going ga-ga over the jeep when its owner and his dad spotted me.

At nearly 60 years old, I see a jeep in camouflage paint upclose for the first time. (Pierce Reservoir)

When the young man learnt that this was my first time seeing a jeep in camouflage upclose, he opened one of its door enthusiastically to invite me in.

“Thank you! But this is too high for me,” I explained.

Looking a tad apologetic for not noticing my physical challenge he quickly added, “Yes, even I find it hard to get in at times. Come, let me take your pictures with it!”

His jeep would be 20 years old next year and due for scraping. He has taken care of it for 17 years.

There was a solemnity in his voice as he spoke of how he had one year left with his jeep before it would be sent away.

“You’re gonna have some serious separation anxiety when it goes away,” I said as I ran my fingers over the paintwork & decorations of a much loved vehicle.

It may seem strange on the surface how we can get attached to inanimate objects. But some of us who’ve been supported by the very silence of dumb things, will comprehend.

To the owner, the jeep may even be an extension of his personality.

The encounter reminds me not to be glib about telling people to let go of their things, especially of items that have seen their owners through emotionally trying terrains that we know little of.

Old Haunts, New Eyes

29-7-23

No trip to Little India is ever complete without a meal at Madras New Woodlands for us.

Even though we can visit more upmarket eateries now, going back to our old haunt for a meal always feels like a treat. This is the place that fed & welcome us in those days when we didn’t have much.

The restaurant began around the time we started university, which was 40 years ago. One top of its flavourful meals, its charges are easy on the pocket for students & young working adults. And regardless of the size of your order, you can be assured of utmost hospitality.

Over the years, and despite the market fluctuations, their menu and prices have remained fairly stable. And their hospitality always makes me feel like a much loved patron despite me being of a minority race among their patrons.

Pre-covid days, the restaurant made its muruku (dhal chips) and other snacks fresh. Their oil for frying was top quality. I used to haul packets of my beloved murukus home as if they were gold.

After we washed down our wholesome dosas & pooris with massala tea, it was time to check out Apollo Shopping Centre for sweets, oils, fragrances, retro time pieces & Handloom of India for pure cotton kurtis (short top) and kurtas (long top).

After lunch, we stopped by this little shop to try on their Rajasthani cotton prints. My friend Sharonne got to charge her phone here too.

Ever so cheerful & obliging, the husband & wife proprietors of Handloom spared no effort in showing us their wide collection of pure cotton tops that bore one of a kind chikankari embroidery from Lucknow.

To some, the embroidery may just be sewing. But vibrating among the delicate threads that form patterns of leaves, flowers & paisleys are aspirations for beauty & better lives.

When I bought my first cotton kurta from this couple, their daughter was doing her primary school homework among their merchandise. Now their little girl has become a teacher and is married.

As the nearly full moon appeared in the bright evening sky, freshly strung thanksgiving jasmine garlands by Prasad the Florist were our final purchase to wrap up an awesome day.

Sharonne took this shot of the Moon above me. (27-7-23)

Thanksgiving jasmine garlands strung by Prasad the Florist was our final purchase in Little India to wrap up an awesome day.