Rewriting Personal History

12 March 2026

Although I didn’t experience war, I grew up tense.

Medicine Buddha sitting steady on a drift wood.

Although there were no missiles to take cover from, verbal abuse hardened my heart.

Although there were no bullets to dodge, taunts bore holes in my head.

As a kid I learnt to read tones, facial expressions and listen for the unspoken to keep the peace among warring adults. I became too sharp for my age which took a psychological toll on me.

After I passed 40, I became more determined to not bleed my anxieties & frustrations onto others through harsh words.

Recently the driver who took my booking was at the wrong pick up point. It had arrived and I would be charged extra if I didn’t board on time. Losing $! Unfair! Panic!

When the driver picked up the call, I was tempted to unleash my 2 weeks’ worth of anxiety & worry over medical & domestic issues on him.

But I didn’t.

“This is the moment you’ve been practising for. Don’t crack now. Don’t vent your frustrations on others like how it happened when you were kid.”

So I looked at the tree opposite me and calmly redirected the driver to the correct pick up point.

After I got into his car, the driver complimented me on my voice & thanked me for not getting upset. He said speech carried energy & there was kindness in my voice.

When we arrived at my destination, he told me I was his first passenger for the day & that my voice gave him hope.

His feedback assured me I don’t need to let habitual tensions from childhood dictate my adult behaviour.

Although I can’t stop wars, practising non-violent speech may liberate me from inherited patterns of destructions & that could be a my small contribution to Peace. 🙏🪷

Holding Sweetness

9 March 2026

We were in our 20s when we met. But we’ve always lived on opposite ends of the island. We meet at most twice a year. Some years we don’t meet at all.

But when we do meet, we relax into the comforting presence of people who have known us and accepted us for a long time.

And today after so many years, we discovered our shared delight in coconut candy squares!

In that moment we were children again – pure simplicity & delight in a square of compressed coconut flakes held together by condensed milk.

And for a few minutes, we dropped our adulting amour as we held Sweetness close to our heart. 🙏

Nian Gao(Chinese New Year Cake)

13 Feb 2026

I was in my 40s when I learnt the chinese new year cake which I’m so fond of eating is just made of glutinous rice flour & gula melaka or brown sugar.

“Cake” in my limited understanding then should be fancier and more glamorous, not just some brown gooey concoction wrapped in banana leaves.

Despite its non-descript appearance, the Nian Gao plays an important role in taoist chinese households. It is traditionally offered to the Kitchen God to sweeten his speech when he gives the Jade Emperor his appraisal of human affairs for the year.

The Kitchen God presiding over the stove & watching over the goings on in the household. (Image from Realasia.travel)

I’m not versed in traditional or religious practices, but I know when it comes to irresistible sweets, Nian Gao wins hands down.

Cut into thin slices, coated with flour & pan fried, this 2500 year old dessert is a prime example of self-sustaining sweetness.

The Dessert that orginated 2500 years ago.

As the Year of the Fire Horse approaches in 3 days’ time, may we aspire to be sincerely sweet in our speech and be a blessing to all that we meet.

And in the spirit of sweet speech, here’s wishing everyone abundance & progress in every step of the way (年年有余步步高升马年大吉) 🙏😊

Living in Grace

7 Feb 2026

There can never be too many flowers in my life, too much sweetness in my desserts and too many precautions to take.

Flowers & trees bloom without restraint despite their limited mobility. Being completely at the mercy of the elements & humans, they teach me acceptance & trust.

Meeting a Tree that had witnessed & survived World War 2 is a humbling experience. (Botanic Gardens Jan 2026)

They don’t need promises of glory, loyalty or permanence to show up for us. They show me grace.

Today as I was celebrating the relative ease with which I could move from car to curb, a female cyclist riding on the pavement narrowly missed me.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans,” sings John Lennon.

And life is as fragile as that of the bouquet I’m hugging. Sometimes safety is not guaranteed no matter how careful one is.

I must therefore remember to fill the mind with gratitude & prayers, so that whatever happens to the body, may the spirit be in a state of bliss. 🙏

Protection & Wisdom of the Divine Mother.

Allow & Accept

16 Dec 2025

November & December are pensive times for me. This is because the big move from one place to another & settling in with my cats & dog happened during these times.

Accepting what’s given in the Bowl of Life with the help of Wisdom.

I had lots of anxieties over my animals’ safety because of high floor living and worries over neighbours’ reactions if they made noise. Thankfully, my fears were unfounded.

My dog passed in 2014. The last of my cats passed in 2023.

It took me a few years to discard my dog’s health supplements because his name was on the label. I had to finally accept that he was never coming back.

Only last month, I decided to let my cats’ pain meds & insulin go. Their names were also on the labels.

Oliver, the last of 12 cats to leave me.

Only last month I decided to allow the tattered sofa which had hosted many human celebrations & animal passings to leave. Its base was disintegrating.

As soon as my mind stopped clinging to what couldn’t be fixed, it became open to new possibilities. A set of furniture with dimensions suited to my needs & with aesthetics far beyond my imagination was gifted to me. 🙏

In the blessed corner where my animals sat, played & passed on is now this beautiful antique chair & red cherries.

And last night, the TV that had refused to work since 2023, was finally replaced.

Ganesha mantra to consecrate the new tv.

I was the last on the delivery man’s route and the rain had caused further delays.

Despite his fatigue, the TV installation worker asked me to relax, while he checked if the old bracket could hold the new TV. It turned out everything had to be new.

He helped me get started on google tv, and assured me that I could follow the prompts.

After taking a sip of the drinking water I offered him, the deliverer of television added, “Don’t worry. Just Allow and Accept.”

Looking back, had I allowed & accepted my limp & its ensuing struggles earlier in my youth, I might have been more articulate about them and be less anxious in my adult life.

So by the power of my unnecessary suffering, may I wish all sentient beings the discernment & trust to allow & accept when needed, so that we don’t have to live in fear & sadness. 🙏🪷😊

Swinging with Time

1 Dec 2025

Swinging gently under a beautiful tree on Penang Lane. (20 Nov 2025)

Being somewhat ritualistic about the passage of Time, I try to do something different to mark the start or beginning of a month, and other significant days.

In my working days, I used to mark the beginning of each school holiday by visiting the Kwan Imm Temple in Middle Rd with my mom, followed by shopping.

My Mom making water offering to Lord Ganesha in one of our outings.

On each payday, the first item I bought would be meatballs for my dog, Shoya.

My dog, Shoya in our old place. I used to be able to take him for long walks. He passed on in 2014 at age 15. He loved meatballs & dimsum.

For a number of Decembers past, I would ride Bus 143 with my mom from Jurong East all the way to Toa Payoh & back, just to see the Christmas Lights! 😄

Over the years I find myself becoming less critical of the designs of our festive lightings.

When I stopped benchmarking our Christmas lightings against that of other countries’ I started to notice the smiling locals, migrant workers & tourists posing under them.

Wefie below Christmas Lights along 313 Somerset Rd this year.

Towards the eves of New Year & Christmas, I would catch up with feeders of street animals I had befriended. It was my way of thanking them for doing on a daily basis what I couldn’t.

As I age & our city gets more crowded, some of the activities mentioned above require more effort & planning.

And because I no longer have the stamina to walk under the Christmas Lights from Tanglin Mall to Plaza Singapura, any corner that shines now gives me immense joy. 🙏🙂

Any corner that shines gives me immense joy.

As we welcome the final month of 2025, may we swing along with Time & accept what cannot be changed, to make way for the guidance ahead. ♥️

New Moon Reflection

20-11-25

Sweet elephant gift from India & butter lamps to welcome the New Moon.

May the observation of the New Moon assure all sentient beings that endings are also new beginnings.

15 years ago, this pendant was sold at a discount, having lost its competition among the trendier & newer trinkets in the shop.

Recently, this “casualty” of a merchant’s stock clearing exercise was chosen to accompany a person on an important trip to India.

As a result, this humble pendant of inexpensive stones became a witness to many priceless acts of spirituality & charity as it sits close to the wearer’s heart.

Like this pendant, we may lose favour as circumstances change, or even be discarded as the world hurries on. However, if our essential nature is one of stability & kindness, we cannot be defeated. 😊

A blessed new moon to all sentient beings.

The humble pendant of inexpensive white jade & adventurine also brought me these sandalwood gifts from India.

Blessed Rain

13-11-25

Yesterday the drizzle turned into a downpour as I stood below the awning of OG Albert Complex to wait for my brother.

He had gone to Fu Lu Shou Complex to pick up my favourite incense. To reach any of the shops in it, there were a number of steps to climb.

By the time we were ready to head home, the cab fare had spiked.

While waiting for the fare to drop we decided to have our evening meal at Albert Food Centre.

My brother spoke enthusiastically of the stalls he had patronised. After hearing his heartfelt praise of the 嘛坡卤面 (Muar braised noodle) I lost all interest in the other food options. 😊

He found us a table & scurried off for the dish which by now had reached legendary status in my imagination.

A while later and under the harsh fluorescent lighting of the bustling food centre, an aged younger brother carried a bowl of noodles & walked carefully towards his crippled older sister, just like he used to when they were kids.

The Rain might have caused delays & fare hikes, but it has quenched the thirst of animals & plants, and given 2 siblings an uninterrupted catchup.

On our way home, we even stopped by a makeshift shrine outside Bencoolen Centre to give Ganesha a bath!

Facing our Mountain

10-11-25

“You were not born to be perfect.

You were not born to be happy all of the time.

But if you commit yourself each day to doing the work of being fully human and feeling even when you are afraid, you can transcend in a way that is truly beautiful.” – “The Mountain is You,” by Brianna Wiest.

I think when we allow ourselves to be sad over the inevitables, and give thanks for what used to be, we can find some sort of peace with the present.

Grace Across Time & Space.

10-10-25

A loose screw that causes great distress.

Two days ago a screw from my brace (Knee-Ankle-Foot Orthotics) came loose. I didn’t realise it till the metal bars came apart & grazed my skin.

I panicked. Without the brace, walking is painful. I panicked because my brace was customised overseas. The company that handled my case has since changed hands. Any replacement parts if they still exist will take time to source & order.

Meanwhile, a trip downstairs to retrace my steps & see if I could locate the lost screw was urgently needed.

But I couldn’t do so with a broken brace.

In my anxiety, a memory from years ago of an unkempt but cheerful man outside the Ganesh temple along Keong Siak Road floated up in my mind like a movie.

Sri Layan Sithi Vinayagar Temple. (Keong Siak Rd, Singapore)

Even though the man didn’t look like he was all there, he had the sense to hold up his oversized pants by passing a rafia string through the belt loops around his waist.

Palms together, the homeless looking person would greet just about anyone passing by or entering the temple dedicated to Ganesh, the elephant-headed deity of Wisdom & Resourcefulness.

Inspired by the memory of his resourcefulness, I lost my fear. As calm descended, a space in me opened up to see if cable ties could hold up my brace.

And the ties worked!

With my brace secured by these plastic wonders, I painlessly & confidently sallied forth & found the missing screw lying on the walkway down my block.

I now have 2 pieces of cable ties in my wallet, just in case. And it humbles me deeply to see that a vagabond is also a channel of divine guidance. 🙏