20 March (Spring Equinox)

Physical isolation was imposed on me at babyhood. Two months before I turned one year old, I contracted poliomyelitis. What followed was a 3 month hospitalization at the Centre for Communicable Diseases in Moulmein Road.

My young dad at 27 years old was devastated by the thought of his baby girl crying alone in a ward full of similarly afflicted older children under quarantine care.

During his era, hospital compound wasn’t so secure like it is these days. He was thus able to sneak in and watch me from a distance through a window. Everyday.

When I got better, visitors were still not allowed. But he somehow managed to drop by to feed me grapes by throwing them through the window like I was in a zoo! 😄

It was the only way a labourer knew how to comfort his 10month old child.

Of course he was duly chastised by the ward nurses each time for his illegal feeding acts. But my dad’s love was beyond logic and gave him the ability to tolerate all kinds of hardship & humiliation. He would often eat just a slice of fried sweet potato for lunch so that he could save up for the bus fare that would take him from our village in Zion Road to Moulmein Rd. Somedays he had to walk.

When he was finally allowed to visit me, he quickly found out who were the kids closest to my bed. Among the young recovering patients, there was a teenage caucasian girl who was very kind.

Despite the language barrier, my dad somehow was able to make her understand that if she could comfort me when I cried, he would get her gifts.

So my dad saved up even more and bought my Caucasian Angel snacks each time he visited.

My grandma used to tell me that my Caucasian Angel was on crutches, but she was very beautiful. And she worried who would marry her.

Towards my discharge from the CDC, my dad bought my protector a portable transistor radio which was an expensive gift in the 60s, and especially so for someone in my dad’s economic situation. But my dad knew he would never be able to pay her enough for those months of companionship she gave me.

So I recovered from poliomyelitis with a limp that would set me apart from others in physical appearance, impose further financial challenges & restrictions on my family in my growing years, and come to dominate all later decisions I would make in my adult life.

I will always be several steps behind others in movement. And this is nowhere more obvious than during fire drill or building lock down exercises. I can never gather in time like able-bodied people at reporting point to mark safe.

One time after the whole school building had been vacated during a fire drill practice, I found myself still struggling down 4 flights of stairs, as the classroom I was teaching in was on the 5th story.

It moved me so much when a young athlete who was training for her SEA Games in sports school at that time came running up the steps to hold my hands so that I needn’t have to walk alone.

Thus unable to alter my speed, I continue to plod on among panic shoppers with their trolleys filled to the brim to face covid-19, while carrying my one daiso shopping bag of groceries that my physical condition has permitted me.

But often in my solo marketing journeys, I meet supermarket staff and even perfect strangers asking if I need help.

Social distancing for now is necessary to break the spread of viral transmission, but my own childhood affliction that has set me permanently apart from others also assures me that being apart doesn’t mean being alone.

And so I wish for all my friends that whatever sets us apart, may we also recognise that with compassion & wisdom we are never truly alone.

May the loss of physical freedom that we face now facilitate the liberation of our spirit & mind, like the way having his little girl under quarantine builds in a young father the qualities of resilience, humility, ingenuity and trust. ♥️ 🙏

20 Feb 2020

At each unit where the windows were left opened by absent owners, the workers doing the block washing used a metal rod to push shut the window panels before they started directing jets of water to remove dust & dirt.

When they reached my unit, my windows were all shut. But still, one of them gestured if I wanted to remove the windhorse prayer flags hanging outside.

I gave him the thumbs up to show that he could carry on.

He cleaned well, leaving the glass surface outside sparkling and the prayer flags dust free, while receiving the windhorse blessings.

Outside the windows of the cats’ room, the thunderous roar of water upon impact with concrete and glass frightened Hakim and his siblings. They huddled pitifully at the door, wanting to be let out as far away from the strangers outside their windows as possible.

I waited till the workers had moved onto a few units below before I let the cats out to play in the living room to release their stress.

As a compensation for their 2 minute trauma while their windows were being washed, the cats had their early dinner of tuna.

Finally a sweet offering was made to give thanks for the workers’ continued safety and good health, as they carry on purifying our living spaces.

May these workers have a sweet life while they go about making ours sweet. 🙏

16 Feb 2020

One time in a housing estate coffee shop, a foreign labourer was sitting alone at a table that was meant to accommodate a larger group.

A group of Singaporean men came by for their usual dinner and drinks. Their number necessitated the use of the table where the lone man was.

Without a word, the foreign worker picked up his things and moved to a smaller table.

One of the Singaporean men then gestured to the coffee shop staff who saw the move, to make a glass of hot milk tea for the foreign worker.

When the milk tea was brought to him, the coffee shop staff explained that it was from the Singaporean group. The foreign man nodded briefly.

We pay men born in villages to build skyscrapers for us. We pay sons of farmers to scale hundreds of meters to clean our walls. And many who can recite sacred texts in their own tongues by heart were paid by us to pick up our trash.

The foreign worker sat a bit longer and sipped his tea quietly. This is what respect must have tasted like.

Before he left the coffee shop, he asked for a plastic carrier to bring the remaining tea back to his dormitory.

3 Feb 2020 (Day 10 of Lunar New Year)

“此时此刻最美好” has been on my mind for some time. The phrase, made up of 7 Chinese characters literally means “now is the best time.” In translation it doesn’t seem much, especially when the context is unknown. But somehow, when the thought is conveyed in Chinese, it has an almost poetic feel to it even as it stands alone. At least for someone like me.

I cannot recall when & how these words came into my consciousness, except that I like the way the first 4 character look and how they sound when spoken. Plus I can pronounce them with some accuracy and enjoy doing so.

Thinking that I could have heard or seen the phrase as the title of a song or book, I did some online search but my effort yielded little.

But what I do know is that these 7 characters amply capture my state of mind whenever I have pictures taken.

For once a happy moment passes, there will never be another one identical to it, ever again.

So I try to project an energy of gratitude & connection with all beings each time a photo opportunity occurs.

And instead of worrying about my physical shortcomings, I try to be fully present with feelings of gratitude & acceptance.

Because in the days ahead and especially if they happen to be difficult ones, I hope to be able to look back at old pictures and say, “Yes, those were truly joyous times. And whatever happiness others have received, I’ve been given freely too. So there’s no room in my heart for jealousy or envy when others receive good things.”

And in the midst of mask buying and news of man-made disasters, I wish all my friends the equanimity to locate the various joys in their life and draw strength from them to sail through the winds of change.