“It’s ok, I can manage,” was my habitual response when I thought the young man at the Uniqlo fitting room was asking if I needed a stool to sit on while trying on clothes. I have seen my share of sales staff being bullied by the self-entitled, so I try my best not to add on to their burden.
Furthermore, years of trying to blend in with the able bodied for fear of being considered not good enough at school and at work have made me apologetic about my handicap and to overcompensate for it.
Truth be known, at the heart of all these efforts to cope with my physical limitations to the point of ignoring them, is the deep dread of rejection & abandonment.
You know how it is. In the wild, animals, including the new borns, are left to die if they show signs of physical weakness or injury. An injured animal will also try his best to mask his pains for as long as possible to avoid evoking the predatory instincts of the others.
And so it is with humans. Be it a limp or a lisp, the fear of mockery looms, especially when you are a child, and haven’t figured out how to navigate among the normals.
Compassion & Wisdom are ofen the first casualties when resources are limited and survival hangs on a thread.
So I learnt at a very young age, not to seek special treatment if I wanted to be included.
But the Uniqlo Angel would not back off. He took one look at my leg & cane, and decided that I would need a cubicle for the disabled to try on my clothes.
Striding confidently ahead, he lifted a grey curtain to reveal a brightly lit cubicle large enough to accommodate a wheel chair, and equipped with handrails and cushioned seat for the physically challenged.
And the way he secured the curtain you would have thought he invented the cubicle himself.
“Take your time,” said the lanky youth who saw through my carefully constructed armour of lies as he looked me in the eye. ❤️😄
A young girl in my tuition class spoke about how she would want nothing more than her pair of pet parrots to be returned to her if she could wish for any birthday present. She was responding to an oral exam prompt we were practising for mid year.
The parrot paraphenilia is indicative of how much my student loves her pet partot.
Last week I handed her a parrot pin given by a former student who is completing her oceanography studies in Australia.
When I told the recipient that the pin was given by a brave young woman, and how it might serve as a reminder of how well she had articulated her thoughts, she immediately attached the parrot pin onto her fabric pencil case.
This week she came to class with print outs of her parrots playing & napping when they were with her.
She beamed proudly when I took an interest in the hastily cut pictures of her lost companions.
She must have waited for some time to share her sadness without the fear of being called childish or a cry baby.
Occasionally in the midst of practising language skills, a hidden grief or suppressed sorrow pops up, and the teacher gets the chance to become the comforter.
In letting a child express sadness without rushing in to help her “feel better,” she gets to process her loss and maybe learn to live with it in time to come. It’s only when we know how to live with the imperfections of life then we’re in a position to recognise its magnificence.
I shall return these precious print outs to my student framed.
Panda, the shelter dog’s affection is boundless. (June 2023)
On the full moon that just passed, a former student made a trip to Nepal. She offered to help me deliver non-prescriptive medicated animal supplies to friends who are taking care of street & shelter animals there.
The soft spoken child in her impossibly white school uniform writing compo in my class some 20 years back is now venturing to rugged Nepal & wants to help me bring stuff?!
When we took this picture, I didn’t know one of these young girls would one day help me deliver animal relief supplies to street and shelter animals in Nepal. Wound washes & medicated shampoos to relieve animal suffering, improve their physical conditions and increase their chances of getting fed. For animals, beauty is never skin deep because it makes a difference between getting fed or getting kicked. 🙏
I didn’t jump at her offer at first. But I was touched that someone with little exposure to street animals & shelter work would want to take on this extra weight on her personal trip.
I was also unsure if I could assemble the needful items in time for her trip. There was a medical emergency in my family at that time.
Looking back I’m so glad she persisted in wanting to perform this courier duty.
As it turned out, she not only fulfilled all she needed to do in Nepal, but also took time off to climb the “epic” hill (cos her taxi couldn’t climb) and reached the village where the dog shelter was located. (I did this only once in 2018 with help).
My former student is all grown up now and wears many hats, among which is that of peacemaker to keep dogs from squabbling.
“I’ve never been so dirty and happy,” she texted me, referring to the muddy paw prints on her attire and person, as the dogs inundated her with cuddles.
Receiving the Baptism of Mud from shelter dog, Dorjie, to remind us to remain grounded no matter what our positions are.
Her enthusiasm in helping & subsequent initiative to seek out the shelter to hang out with the dogs & relief workers are compassion & wisdom at work. In return she felt honoured and blessed.
Art of Giving: Simple food lovingly cooked and respectfully given.
Today people living in the Southern Hemisphere observe the Winter Solstice. Yesterday those in the Northern Hempishere marked the Summer Solstice. It depends on our geographical positions.
But there’s a position which we all can claim regardless of who we are and where we’re born. And it is the position of power to render help. This power begins in the heart and radiates from the mind.
I believe it is this power that keeps people with limited resources going, and in turn inspire others to get involved.
Street Dog Care e.v. treats street dogs and shelters the ones that need a safe place to recover before returning to the community. It is supported by donation and run mostly by local staff & volunteers.
So I like to take this Solstice celebration to wish all of us the power to bring relief regardless of our positions, so that collectively we become a source of delight to all sentient beings.
Happy Solstice to you, and all sentient beings in the North, South, East & West. 🙏
Of all the birds that catch my eyes, the flamingoes take first prize. Apart from their pinkish plummage, their straight legs are a thing of beauty as they strut confidently from one spot to another in the mud without losing momentum.
Birds taking flight from tree branches or from the arm of their handler, while their talons rip off barks or leave marks on the protective arm cover is a delight to me. And those perfect landings on flimsy laundry lines & bobbing along with the wind is ballet!
If I can make a personal wish in this life, it will probably be to know what it feels like to walk without limping and without swaying from side to side. Even if it is just for one day.
“Where are you going? Do you need a wheelchair?” asked the young staff with a look of concern mixed with hesitation. He was unsure of how I would react to his offer of help.
It was closing time at the newly opened Bird Paradise at Mandai Lake.
“I think I can manage. Cos that was how I got in.” I assured him brightly. My heart was already full from an afternoon of avian magic with friends and now this young man.
He would later tell me on our way to the taxi stand that his heart simply couldn’t take it to see me walking like this, while he was standing around with two strong legs. And no, he didn’t want me to think he was pitying me.
His parents have taught him to help others and not expect to be praised.
We went on to exchange views on decision making in life and the need for time to create emotional distance before we can accurately process an experience that has happened, especially if it is not aligned to our plans.
By the time we said goodbye, I realised we wouldn’t have this moment if I had two good legs.
Meanwhile my admiration for flamingoes and those who can move about with ease will never diminish.
Late lunch on a rainy afternoon at Spize yesterday.
Yesterday it rained nearly all day.
Rain would pour in through the kitchen window of our first flat in Prince Charles Square during the 70’s.
The plastic sheets hastily attached to the window grille with clothes pegs were useless against the slashing rain.
After the rain came the mopping. I resented living in a flat that leaked, ignorant of the fact that all the flats in that low SES neighbourhood of ours were subjected to the elements.
I guessed I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed of our living conditions had it not been for that one time when my well meaning school teacher and her husband decided to pay our home a visit.
I had managed to put off her attempts to visit my home a few times. And guess what I was doing on their surprise visit? Yes, mopping the floor!
But this time it included mopping up milk which my then baby brother had spilled when his milk bottle came crashing down.
My young teacher and her handsome husband stood in awkward silence as I picked up the glass shards and went about clearing the mess.
Looking back the rain that day had washed away my pride, and the broken milk bottle had shattered whatever illusions of economic wellness I was trying to project.
I think after that, my teacher learnt to respect her students’ boundaries. I learnt to tell the truth if I disagree with or lack anything, so that I don’t have to make up excuses.
Lunar New Year begins not at a countdown concert, but a trip to the temple of my childhood for me.
The pouring rain this year did not dampen our spirit one bit. We just learn to adjust expectations and accommodate one another’s transport challenges.
Starting the Year of the Rabbit with aromatic smoke offerings that carry our aspirations and the fragrance from this beautiful tree.
Year after year I return to this place to start my year. The temple door guardians are ever so welcoming, and figurines of deities feel like old friends. Being aware that one day all these may not be accessible to me for various reasons makes the yearly meet ups all the more precious.
My childhood temple door guardian.
The incense aroma strengthens my spirit even as my body ages. And the sight of fire and lighted lanterns energises my mind even as my hair loses its colour.
My lovely cousin, Michelle, faithfully records our gatherings year after year. She is also an admirer of batik.
Towards evening when the rain clouds lifted, a little green shoot on the trunk of the Chiku Tree greeted me. 😊
Spring indeed is the beginning of all things and the starting from zero. When we don’t hanker after what we don’t have or what used to be ours, Spring happens in us. 🙏
Although I grew up watching my Kinmen grandma cross stitch elaborate & perfectly symmetrical patterns on fabrics, I was miserable at sewing lessons in my primary school days.
I was very dependent on the teacher marking out where the cross stitches should be.
Once towards recess time, she coldly warned me that I woudn’t get my break unless I could sew the cross stitches diagonally across a square fabric. I panicked.
To my 7-year-old self then missing recess was unthinkable for two reasons. Firstly, I would miss the delicious food which I was thinking about all morning. Secondly, to be stuck in the classroom to struggle with sewing felt like the ultimate betrayal by an adult for whom I had the highest regard.
So I had a meltdown.
A classmate’s mom came to my aid when I was hyperventilating and trying to thread the needle through tears at the same time. Till this day I can still recall my rescuer’s hairstyle, her facial features and her gentle voice. A couple of her teeth were capped in gold.
In my childhood, lots of women could stitch & sew. Their sewing skills put food on the table and their kids through school. So I have deep respect for women and later on men, who can sew and cook, long before social media & celebrities make these skills trendy.
Years later after that episode I would develop a special fondness for the cross stitches and indigo prints of minority people in China, Northern Thailand and Vietnam.
Showcase of Hilltribe embroidery at the Asian Civilisation Museum.
And each time I wear something handmade by women I’ve never met, I feel the collective power of all our female ancestors and the kindness of my classmate’s mother all over again. ❤️😊
Red Hmong embroidery purchased from Chiangmai, Thailand.
The 11 and 12-year-olds in my tuition class were given 6mins to write down their names and decorate them using whatever they can find in their pencil cases. While beautifying their names they were to come up with 3 personal traits which they think they have and wish to be known for.
The time for this activity was kept short to prevent overthinking, sharing of ideas and making comparisons.
Being helpful & kind, intelligent, elegant and a good team player were some of the qualities these youngsters wanted to be known for. And having a sense of humour and respecting others were mentioned as well.
“Why do u need others to know you are intelligent?” I asked the girl whose spectacles seemed to occupy all of her face.
“Because I want people to know I will still do the right thing even when no one’s watching,” the 11-year-old replied softly.
A recurring motif that appeared in their 6mins output came from nature. Floating clouds, mountain peaks, planets and animals appeared abundantly around and on the letters that formed their names.
One boy turned the letters of his name into a blue print for a future park he would like to build, complete with security features and facilities to make the visit a good one. And the traits he would like to be known for are bravery, boldness and kindness.
When I gave this same boy an old calendar card last year because he likes elephants, he pointed out to me that his birthday falls on International Vegetarian Day.
“Mama, why aren’t you glad that my tusks are growing?” – 2014 IFAW calendar to highlight plight of elephants killed for their tusks to meet demand for ivory.
Perhaps the path to peace is to appreciate the perspectives of children. And when they place nature and animals alongside their names, they’re also carrying aspirations of healing & hope for all that’s been broken in this world.
Posing with Year of the Rabbit CNY decor. Both of us were born in the Year of Rabbit and have been friends since for nearly 40 years.
Yesterday we repeated our favourite pre-celebration ritual of vegetarian meal, temple visits and decoration shopping in the Fortune Centre area. The last time we could do so maskless & free, was in 2020.
At the vegetarian cafe where we ordered longevity noodle. My lunar birthday fell on 1 Jan 2023 this year.
In 20 days’ time the Lunar New Year will be upon us.
It was good to see the old folks up and about at the vegetarian cafe. They were happily taking food orders and heartily conveying their choices to the kitchen.
The evening puja at Sri Krishnan Temple had started as we walked by. The aroma of incense offering and intermittent peal of brass temple bell lifted our spirit.
A moment of calm amidst the aromas of incense and peal of the prayer bells. Lord Hanuman watches over us as we pose for a picture at the beautiful Sri Krishnan Temple.
At the Kwan Im Thong Hood Cho Temple (Goddess of Mercy), devotees were quietly praying outside the closed temple gates as dusk fell.
A few steps ahead, we chanced upon a shop called “Good Neighbour,” that appeared to be only selling household goods. As we ventured further in, an array of chinese new year decors in shades of vermillion & carmine greeted our eyes.
Blessings and Prosperity are in our hands.
Even though it was near closing time, the staff and cashier remained hospitable to browsers and handled each customer’s enquiry good-naturedly.
The young man at the cashier counter code switched effortlessly among English, Mandarin, Malay and Hokkien depending on the language being used to address him.
“When beautiful people talk to me nicely, I will speak clearly too,” he shot back cheerfully when we expressed amazement at the accuracy of his Hokkien pronunciation.
After he had helped us take a picture with the Year of the Hare (Rabbit) decor, he respectfully wished the two of us elderly Rabbits good health and many years of new year jaunting to come.
With the multilingual and good natured Malaysian boy. We named him Golden Lion.
When my friend wished him the blessings of good employment & kind employer for all round prosperity, the carefree boy with studded ears and golden streaks in his hair listened intently & bowed lightly.
Our first day outing of 2023 came to a sweet close as we stopped for local ice cream wrapped in bread. Above us the nearly full moon shone.
Freedom is eating local ice cream wrapped in bread under the open evening sky.
Lisa Ong 