We’re More Than Our Flaws

6 July 2021

One day 20 years ago I was on the platform of Bishan MRT Station looking out for the train.

A young woman brushed past me. She had the blackest black hair cascading from her head to below her shoulders in rich glorious waves that danced and rippled.

Picturea credit: “Hawk Whispers His Message of Awareness,” 1993 by Patricia Wyatt.

“Wow! What amazing hair you have!” The words had flown out of my mouth even before I knew I was saying them.

“Thank you! No one has told me this before!” said Girl with Raven Hair.

“But I’m overweight,” she added, pointing at her stout form as if I should take back the compliment.

She was indeed on the chubby side, but that wasn’t the first thing I noticed about her. She beamed when I told her that her hair, was the showpiece, and not her hips.

Girl with Raven Hair had been thinking of wearing black clothes to look trimmer although pastels were her favourite colours.

I asked her to rethink her new colour choice. Black clothing can also make a person look heavier than she really is because of its opacity.

She then realised focussing on hiding her curves had caused her to lose sight of the obsidian tresses that had gathered about her like a comforting cloak of lush velvet.

Whether it’s a lisp, or a limp, or not being trim enough, imperfections are not the sum of us. Investing our energy to hide them ironically amplifies their hold on our psyche and keep us from seeing fully.

First 2-person Dine-in with First Sibling

28 June 2021

Last week Singapore relaxed some of its hightened alert rules. Dine-in at cafes and restuarants could resume, but capped at 2 persons.

It was just in time to celebrate my first younger brother’s birthday.

First Sibling and I celebrating his birthday at the mall last week (25 June 2021)

The original plan was to have a meal in the Bugis-Waterloo Street area followed by a bit of gallivanting to admire the beautifully carved figurines in shops selling religious goods.

But these days with seats in public spaces where I can sit to rest cordoned off, First Sibling thought it would be easier on me that we went to a mall.

Many outings for me require visualisations and forward planning akin to making overseas trips.😂

After a birthday meal of noodles and over coffee, First Sibling remarked that we musn’t assume anyone could reach 60.

This morning I looked at the only picture of my First Sibling with our Aunt when he was little and the one we took at the mall last week.

My first sibling and childhood friend with our Aunt in our village at Covent Gardens Rd (now Zion Rd) in the 60s.

50 plus years have passed between 2 pictures just like that.

And I’m glad I could dedicate the first 2-person dine-in provision to celebrate the birthday of my first sibling and first childhood friend.

Heart Mandala for Full Moon

24 June 2021

Rose quartz heart for unconditional love. Clear quartz heart for clarity & courage.

This morning around 4am, the Moon came flooding through the windows. Emmanuel the cat had a glorious moon bath, his grey fur and white paws taking on a luminous glow.

8 years ago, on an evening before this, we were standing on the roof top of Tibet Guest House in Nepal greeting the full moon.

The full moon in Kathmandu on 23 June 2013 that started my mandala dedications to the Moon.

That was the first full supermoon that got me started on dedicating mandalas to the moon.

May our hearts be filled with the fullness of the Moon, to keep caring even if there isn’t a cure.

May our hearts take on the luminosity of the Moon, to see clearly and act courageously, for our benefit and the benefit of all sentient beings.

Divina, the elderly shelter cat has a rose quartz heart to keep her company.

The Ultimate Influencer

21 June 2021

Vespa was my dad’s favourite bike till he couldn’t ride.

A father’s influence is impossible to ignore even when he’s absent. If he’s a good father, he’s missed. If he’s a bad father, his kids are welded to him by hate.

I’ve met boys with limited access to their father pining over their dads & fantasing about fatherly attributes that may or may not exist.These boys will continue to look for their father in other people for a long time.

My dad in his youth donning a uniform from an unknown source. He was 8 month old when his father died. Having no father to role model after, he still did his best for us.

Girls whose fathers have let them down may appear unscathed on the surface, but scars stay.

While moms are rightly glorified for giving us life, I think fathers are magical because their influence or even the lack of it affects the meaning of our life.

Temple visit with my dad on chinese new year. We hardly spoke but my collection of pics of him attests to his importance in my life.

Throughout his life, my father hardly spoke to me. But his interests in books, batik, non-Chinese foods, Balinese arts and Nature continue to live through me. His sacrifices and shortcomings have become important lessons for my brothers and I as we move towards the age of his demise.

My dad as doting grandpa. Here his grandson is pointing a gun at me and my dad’s smiling!

My Fathers’ Day wish is that may all fathers claim their rightful place of power, and make good use of their influence for their children’s benefit and for the benefit of others. 🙏

The Goddess at Orchid Gardens

16-6-2021

“You walk very well,” the lady on the motorised scooter addressed me heartily when I greeted her.

We were on our way out of the orchid gardens when we met. From a distance she looked like a pink blob.

But upclose, she was fully coordinated spotting a face mask and comfortable cotton frock of bandung pink while her thick silvery hair was held in a neat bun by a pair of pink tiger lilies clasp. A circular brooch of antique gold resembling a Flower of Life caught the morning sun and sparkled attractively atop her shoulder.

I felt like hugging her. But in the current climate I wasn’t sure how my gesture would be perceived.

“Thank you! You look amazing!” I said to her, hoping she could pick up the sincerity in my voice.

Earlier on in the pavilion, a soft breeze had risen as I offered the bottled coconut juice which was given to me to the Sky and Earth first before I took my sip. (I saw this practice in a mongolian documentary)

As the pink vision receded steadily from my view under the wide open sky, I had the feeling that I did not just compliment a handicapped lady, but a goddess on her chariot making the rounds in her gardens.
❤️😊

Mandala of Rose Quartz & Candy Drops for New Moon

10 June 2021

May the new moon’s appearance evoke early memories of love and sweetness in all human and animal beings.

The fox represents all beings that are vilified because of our lack of wisdom & compassion. She is protected by a ring of rose quartz hearts that heals all traumas and candies of my childhood bought for by my maternal grandma at every chance she had despite having little money.

May Love neutralise past traumas that are unconsciously carried forth to present life.

May every little drop of sweetness ever experienced be amplified today to heal all hurts and embrace all fears.

Territorial Instincts

9 June 2021

Despite being only the size of a cushion, and weighing less than 6kg, Emmanuel growls menacingly when Ollie tries to cosy up on the couch he’s on.

Emmanuel, the cushion sized cat with a loud voice and a ready bite.

Different locations, same bickering over who occupies where.

In return, Oliver sneaks up at night on Emmanuel ensconced on the cane chair, and scares the wits out of him.

Both cats are loved, have free run of my home and access to food and clean water 24/7.

Once in a while they grudgingly share space.

Furthermore they are also somewhat related, having been born on the grounds of a girls’ school I was teaching in some 14 years ago.

Yet they bicker constantly about who occupies where as much as they can only bodily be in one location at a time.

Perhaps this fear of losing out & needing to own more than what one needs is hardwired into the survival instincts of all living beings.

Oliver posing with a literary magazine from Kinmen Island, a political pawn used by warring parties since the Ming Dynasty. My grandmother was born there in 1914.

Unlike cats, we humans have the advantage of analysis, and perhaps even tame some of our natural inclinations for power and control, and be free from fear and possessiveness to some degree.

When Less Becomes More

6-6-2021

As these days we can’t travel on a whim, the things I bought on my trips to Nepal and Kinmen Island in the past have taken on a relic-like significance.

War Hero edition of Kinmen Sorghum Liquor.

In 2019, I visited Kinmen Island, the birthplace of my ancestors for the first time. Kinmen sorghum liquor is well known among wine aficionados. Revenue from its sale world wide plays a huge part in education funding for the island’s children from nursery to university.

The little island between mainland China and Taiwan even has its own ceramic factory dedicated to the creation of sorghum wine receptacles to mark historical and social events.

When I bought these two bottles of sorghum wine during my trips in 2019, I had no idea a pandemic was also brewing.

I got them mainly because the wine came from grains that were grown, harvested and fermented on an island that my grandmother was born, left and pined for all her life. And of course the little glasses that the islanders took their celebrated elixir in had to come home with me!

I love drinking with little glasses and cups. Firstly, they are very very cute. Secondly, they pace my alcohol intake so I can relax without becoming intoxicated. The thimble sized holders of Kinmen Sorghum encourages me to sip and savour, instead of gulp and guzzle.

When I take a sip of this “rocket fuel,” as the liquor is fondly known for its high alcohol content, the sweetness of fermented sorghum caresses my tongue and perfumes my mouth, while heat sashays up my nose, dances my brows and warms my ears.

I don’t know when we’ll be able to visit my grandmother’s beloved birthplace again. So for now I shall drink the precious remaining liquor mindfully, and make every sip count.

A lunch of Vietnamese spring rolls, papaya salad and noodles is augmented by Kinmen liquor.

And through mindful consumption and usage of resources like in the days of our forefathers, may we turn the little that we’ve got to lots, so that we may win the war against the pandemic.

Through Animal Eyes

3 June 2021

Day after day, Emmanuel the Cat lives the new dawn by the way he looks at the sky as if he’s seeing it for the first time.

His trancelike attention to light descending upon creation to the music of birdsongs shows a timeless appreciation for new beginnings even as he is aging.

A Flowering From Within

1 June 2021

The elderly man had been taking drink orders from table to table.

When he came to me I asked for kopi-o, meaning black coffee with added sugar.

Perhaps there were too many orders to hold in his mind so he asked me again. He repeated my order after me like a child willing himself to memorise the multiplication table without understanding.

Sensing his slight panic as he struggled mentally to collate his orders, I casually said, “Don’t worry, uncle. Just bring me what you can remember. I’ll drink it even if it’s the wrong one.”

Upon my words, a look of relief unfolded across his face like a flower blooming.

The peace radiating from his shrunken frame was quite unmistakable. Till this day I can recall that peace at will.

Every encounter is an opportunity to learn to be at ease.

When I rid the elderly coffee shop worker of his anxiety, I also released me from the fixation of having my order obeyed in certain ways.

So I learnt that when we allow others to breathe, we can also breathe.❤️