My younger brothers & paternal grandma in our Prince Charles Square home. (1976/77)
For various reasons, meet ups with siblings, who are our first childhood companions, seem to occur less regularly than a leap year.
Nearly 50 years on… ( Year of the Dragon celebration 2024)
For some in our growing up years, judgements & ignorance separated us. Thankfully, as we get older, wisdom gained from accepting setbacks & realising life’s fragility can help to mend the drift.
Time spent with siblings also allows us to recall our shared history, relive our favourite moments & seek clarity on episodes that hurt us, so that we don’t have to keep carrying them around.
Lunar New Year outing to Albert Street. (2024)
I’ve known sibling bonds that have cushioned the impact of parental conflicts in childhood and lent support in education & career disappointments during formative years. Sibling bonds can even help weather marital storms & health challenges.
Car ride to Pierce Reservoir (2023)
Just this week I saw a pair of elderly brothers making their way to the doctor’s consultation room. The patient showed signs of mental deterioration and an uncertain gait. And his accompanying brother held him by the shoulder to guide him on his path.
My childhood disability was not just a financial & emotional drain on the family. It was also a burden on my younger brothers who silently bore the taunts that were directed at their sister.
Brothers on a lunar new year outing to Chinese Gardens.
In our advancing years while we can still make time to create happy moments with our siblings to balance the less savoury ones, let’s not wait.
Brothers chatting about cars during Year of the Dragon celebration.
In 2019, I made 2 trips to Kinmen Island, my grandmother’s birthplace. One full moon evening I was walking on a street of the old city when I met an old lady. She was dressed in a traditional qipao/ cheongsum made of pink shimmering fabric. She was also using a cane. As we crossed path, she smiled at me. Although I was too stunned to ask for a picture with her, I will never forget the joy she radiated.
As a part time library assistant in my student days, I met two senior ladies from the management who left lasting impressions on me.
The Central Library where I worked part time and met the two senior ladies about 40 years ago. I was a teenager then.
Both of them held positions of authority. Both had education, culture and wealth.
The First Senior Lady did not suffer fools and had a way with words if you did not meet her standards. The perpetual scowl on her face even when she was not upset contrasted dramatically with her coiffured hair & her well made clothes.
The Second Senior Lady got things done by explaining & correcting. With her blazer drapped over her shoulders, and in a soft voice, she would show how things should & could have been. Her thinning hair did not make her look aged, but instead gave her a look of impish innocence. She seemed to shed gold dust when she worked with us. Each time she pointed out our errors she left us feeling wanting to do better.
Years later, I would run into Second Senior Lady in Esplanade Theatre lobby. When I greeted her, she still shone like a chandelier even though she was in an ordinary dress.
The Japanese have a practice of summing up a year in one word. If I had to use one word to describe my experience of Second Senior Lady, the word would be “Gold.” For First Senior Lady, “Crushed,” came to mind.
I wonder what word would define me as I’m also a senior lady myself now.
My yoga teacher, Erika was 60 when we met. Now she’s 72 and I’m 60. She is healthy & happy, sharing her knowledge freely. (Madras Woodlands Restaurant, January 2024)
I think often of Second Senior Lady. Recently I found her presence in Queen Margarette II of Denmark as she announced her abdication.
Beyond diet & lifestyle, ageing well is also about watching one’s mind & behaviour.
As our looks fade, and strength wanes, our thoughts, speech and manners gain prominence.
When we have a habit of thinking ill of others or we’re above them, we may develop a habitual sneer. So it’s good to watch our mind & refine our thoughts instead of assuming we’re right just because we have lived longer.
And a voice that carries complaints & unreasonable demands grates on the nerves of people around us. So watching our mouth to avoid causing harm & be totally ignored later on is a priority too.
Finally like Queen Magarette II, who had the wisdom to abdicate her authority when she still could, senior ladies must also learn that whether we like it or not, a time when we can no longer take centre stage will come. This means accepting the loss of attention from others & becoming more at ease with what doesn’t please us. And maybe then we have the chance to turn gold. 😊
Had a great day in a former student’s art studio in 2021 doing nothing special. Because there are thousand & one things that can go wrong when we approach old age, every bit of joy counts.
A bouquet from a student whom I taught 36 years ago arrived today. (11 Sep 2023)
In my childhood, I spent hours pottering among plants. I stuck the wooden stems of paper flowers into soil and believed they would become real flowers if I could just focus. I sometimes got scolded for removing offering decorations from the altar to put them in dirt. 😄
This crochet sunflower is as precious as the real ones. (Teachers’ Day gift 2023)
In my youth, flowers assured me that I was accepted & appreciated.
These lovely girls & their sunflower gift. (NYGH, 2004)
Now in old age, flowers remind me to always carry the Sun in my heart, & challenge me to bloom my best regardless of how much time that’s left.
Holding the Sun in my Heart.
Yesterday all the yellows, reds & golds descended in my home through the kindness of people I’ve known for a long long time.
So I felt very compelled to dress up for the flowers and take some pictures to honour them and their givers.
Flowers make us smile & teach us to hold everything lightly.
May the blessings of flowers open our heart & mind, for our good and the good of others. 😊🙏
The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche.
My first copy of “The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying,” came from Borders the Bookshop at Wheelock Place. I bought it out of curiosity.
I had what I called “reader’s block,” and gave the book away in 2012. My inability or refusal to accept then that life ends despite our best efforts probably kept me from receiving the guidance in the book.
Over the years, the passing of 10 cats and 1 dog in my care, and the gruesome deaths of cherished community cats from dog attacks have eroded my state of denial. Death is just round the corner.
And with Emmanuel & Oliver’s deteriorating health, I’ll be witnessing death for the 11th & 12th time.
They are my longest living cats. I need to be better prepared for their passing so as to do justice to their companionship of 18 years.
So last week I ordered a copy of “The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying,” after assessing my receptivity to it via Libby APP.
Today as First Tutee and Granduncle came to see Oliver and pray over him, the book also arrived. 🙏❤️😊
First Tutee sees Oliver as his First Cat. They met in 2017.
So every thing has its timing. What we cannot understand or refuse to understand will make sense at some point. And friends who live in our thoughts will appear at the right time when needed.
And I cannot ask for a better alignment of intention, needs and spiritual aid like the one I had today. 🙏🪔
“It’s ok, I can manage,” was my habitual response when I thought the young man at the Uniqlo fitting room was asking if I needed a stool to sit on while trying on clothes. I have seen my share of sales staff being bullied by the self-entitled, so I try my best not to add on to their burden.
Furthermore, years of trying to blend in with the able bodied for fear of being considered not good enough at school and at work have made me apologetic about my handicap and to overcompensate for it.
Truth be known, at the heart of all these efforts to cope with my physical limitations to the point of ignoring them, is the deep dread of rejection & abandonment.
You know how it is. In the wild, animals, including the new borns, are left to die if they show signs of physical weakness or injury. An injured animal will also try his best to mask his pains for as long as possible to avoid evoking the predatory instincts of the others.
And so it is with humans. Be it a limp or a lisp, the fear of mockery looms, especially when you are a child, and haven’t figured out how to navigate among the normals.
Compassion & Wisdom are ofen the first casualties when resources are limited and survival hangs on a thread.
So I learnt at a very young age, not to seek special treatment if I wanted to be included.
But the Uniqlo Angel would not back off. He took one look at my leg & cane, and decided that I would need a cubicle for the disabled to try on my clothes.
Striding confidently ahead, he lifted a grey curtain to reveal a brightly lit cubicle large enough to accommodate a wheel chair, and equipped with handrails and cushioned seat for the physically challenged.
And the way he secured the curtain you would have thought he invented the cubicle himself.
“Take your time,” said the lanky youth who saw through my carefully constructed armour of lies as he looked me in the eye. ❤️😄
A young girl in my tuition class spoke about how she would want nothing more than her pair of pet parrots to be returned to her if she could wish for any birthday present. She was responding to an oral exam prompt we were practising for mid year.
The parrot paraphenilia is indicative of how much my student loves her pet partot.
Last week I handed her a parrot pin given by a former student who is completing her oceanography studies in Australia.
When I told the recipient that the pin was given by a brave young woman, and how it might serve as a reminder of how well she had articulated her thoughts, she immediately attached the parrot pin onto her fabric pencil case.
This week she came to class with print outs of her parrots playing & napping when they were with her.
She beamed proudly when I took an interest in the hastily cut pictures of her lost companions.
She must have waited for some time to share her sadness without the fear of being called childish or a cry baby.
Occasionally in the midst of practising language skills, a hidden grief or suppressed sorrow pops up, and the teacher gets the chance to become the comforter.
In letting a child express sadness without rushing in to help her “feel better,” she gets to process her loss and maybe learn to live with it in time to come. It’s only when we know how to live with the imperfections of life then we’re in a position to recognise its magnificence.
I shall return these precious print outs to my student framed.
Panda, the shelter dog’s affection is boundless. (June 2023)
On the full moon that just passed, a former student made a trip to Nepal. She offered to help me deliver non-prescriptive medicated animal supplies to friends who are taking care of street & shelter animals there.
The soft spoken child in her impossibly white school uniform writing compo in my class some 20 years back is now venturing to rugged Nepal & wants to help me bring stuff?!
When we took this picture, I didn’t know one of these young girls would one day help me deliver animal relief supplies to street and shelter animals in Nepal. Wound washes & medicated shampoos to relieve animal suffering, improve their physical conditions and increase their chances of getting fed. For animals, beauty is never skin deep because it makes a difference between getting fed or getting kicked. 🙏
I didn’t jump at her offer at first. But I was touched that someone with little exposure to street animals & shelter work would want to take on this extra weight on her personal trip.
I was also unsure if I could assemble the needful items in time for her trip. There was a medical emergency in my family at that time.
Looking back I’m so glad she persisted in wanting to perform this courier duty.
As it turned out, she not only fulfilled all she needed to do in Nepal, but also took time off to climb the “epic” hill (cos her taxi couldn’t climb) and reached the village where the dog shelter was located. (I did this only once in 2018 with help).
My former student is all grown up now and wears many hats, among which is that of peacemaker to keep dogs from squabbling.
“I’ve never been so dirty and happy,” she texted me, referring to the muddy paw prints on her attire and person, as the dogs inundated her with cuddles.
Receiving the Baptism of Mud from shelter dog, Dorjie, to remind us to remain grounded no matter what our positions are.
Her enthusiasm in helping & subsequent initiative to seek out the shelter to hang out with the dogs & relief workers are compassion & wisdom at work. In return she felt honoured and blessed.
Art of Giving: Simple food lovingly cooked and respectfully given.
Today people living in the Southern Hemisphere observe the Winter Solstice. Yesterday those in the Northern Hempishere marked the Summer Solstice. It depends on our geographical positions.
But there’s a position which we all can claim regardless of who we are and where we’re born. And it is the position of power to render help. This power begins in the heart and radiates from the mind.
I believe it is this power that keeps people with limited resources going, and in turn inspire others to get involved.
Street Dog Care e.v. treats street dogs and shelters the ones that need a safe place to recover before returning to the community. It is supported by donation and run mostly by local staff & volunteers.
So I like to take this Solstice celebration to wish all of us the power to bring relief regardless of our positions, so that collectively we become a source of delight to all sentient beings.
Happy Solstice to you, and all sentient beings in the North, South, East & West. 🙏
Of all the birds that catch my eyes, the flamingoes take first prize. Apart from their pinkish plummage, their straight legs are a thing of beauty as they strut confidently from one spot to another in the mud without losing momentum.
Birds taking flight from tree branches or from the arm of their handler, while their talons rip off barks or leave marks on the protective arm cover is a delight to me. And those perfect landings on flimsy laundry lines & bobbing along with the wind is ballet!
If I can make a personal wish in this life, it will probably be to know what it feels like to walk without limping and without swaying from side to side. Even if it is just for one day.
“Where are you going? Do you need a wheelchair?” asked the young staff with a look of concern mixed with hesitation. He was unsure of how I would react to his offer of help.
It was closing time at the newly opened Bird Paradise at Mandai Lake.
“I think I can manage. Cos that was how I got in.” I assured him brightly. My heart was already full from an afternoon of avian magic with friends and now this young man.
He would later tell me on our way to the taxi stand that his heart simply couldn’t take it to see me walking like this, while he was standing around with two strong legs. And no, he didn’t want me to think he was pitying me.
His parents have taught him to help others and not expect to be praised.
We went on to exchange views on decision making in life and the need for time to create emotional distance before we can accurately process an experience that has happened, especially if it is not aligned to our plans.
By the time we said goodbye, I realised we wouldn’t have this moment if I had two good legs.
Meanwhile my admiration for flamingoes and those who can move about with ease will never diminish.
Late lunch on a rainy afternoon at Spize yesterday.
Yesterday it rained nearly all day.
Rain would pour in through the kitchen window of our first flat in Prince Charles Square during the 70’s.
The plastic sheets hastily attached to the window grille with clothes pegs were useless against the slashing rain.
After the rain came the mopping. I resented living in a flat that leaked, ignorant of the fact that all the flats in that low SES neighbourhood of ours were subjected to the elements.
I guessed I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed of our living conditions had it not been for that one time when my well meaning school teacher and her husband decided to pay our home a visit.
I had managed to put off her attempts to visit my home a few times. And guess what I was doing on their surprise visit? Yes, mopping the floor!
But this time it included mopping up milk which my then baby brother had spilled when his milk bottle came crashing down.
My young teacher and her handsome husband stood in awkward silence as I picked up the glass shards and went about clearing the mess.
Looking back the rain that day had washed away my pride, and the broken milk bottle had shattered whatever illusions of economic wellness I was trying to project.
I think after that, my teacher learnt to respect her students’ boundaries. I learnt to tell the truth if I disagree with or lack anything, so that I don’t have to make up excuses.
Lisa Ong 