Becoming Special

20 Dec 2019

On our second day in Nepal (6 Dec) , a little vase on our table at the Third Eye Restaurant in Thamel caught our eye with its simplicity. It stood humbly among all the grander looking cuisine serving utensils.

Holding a single stalk of marigold, the brass vase reminded me of the Velveteen Rabbit which held a sprig of holly between its paws on christmas morning.

As it looked very ordinary we thought we should be able to find it at any of the shops in Thamel or Boudha.

We were wrong.

We also forgot to take a picture of it.

And in the midst of all our activities, we soon stopped looking or asking.

On our final day day in Nepal, it drizzled. After checking out of the hotel, we went back to the Third Eye Restaurant for lunch.

This time we asked a member of the staff where we could get the vase. The young lady was very happy with our interest and quickly gave us the details to the location where we could buy it.

So two hours before we were taken to Tribhuvan Airport for our flight back to Singapore, Ron & El rushed to Ason Market where the locals get their homewares. There they bought 2 pairs of the exact vases like the ones from the restaurant.

It was still drizzling when they returned from the market. I received my pair as if they were archaeological discoveries.

I know there are hundreds of such vases around. But ours will always be special because it took some effort to get them. Furthermore our enquiries had made a Nepali girl happy, seeing that her country’s traditional wares could still be so charming.

Order and Chaos; Clean and Unclean.

19 Dec 2019

With its chaotic traffic, massive swirls of wires hanging above ground, crumbling buildings and air pollution, Kathmandu is not a place that readily comes to mind when one is thinking of retreat and rest.

On my way to the washroom I looked up and saw this. El took this picture for me.

Framed by the temple door, I felt balanced and secure. (Golden Temple, Patan. Dec 2019)

Yet, in the midst of the valley’s madness, intricately carved and perfectly symmetrical woodworks & stoneworks adorned doorways and windows, creating an air of unmatched serenity and inspiring me to seek alignment from within.

From this valley of unpredictability, where power cuts happen regularly unannounced, craftsmen go about calmly setting semi precious stones against impossibly detailed & highly decorative silver works of filigree.

Perhaps this constant practice of melting, cutting, shaping and welding metals to minerals to create objects of beauty has alchemised in these workers a high tolerance for the ugliness of difficult customers, exploitative employers and other hardships.

Then there are the buddhist arts (tangka) drawn free hand in such breathtaking precision and with such a pleasing balance of colours that the seller has to keep reminding us with great pride, “this not machine made…this MADE BY MAN,” as we stared in mute wonder, at the scroll he unveiled before us while cars honked impatiently behind us.

I saw this spritely grandma circumambulating the stupa in the midday sun in 2018. This year in 2019, I spotted her among the pilgrims, but she was too fast for me to take a picture with. So I gave up the idea completely. But my wish was fulfilled when we wandered into an alley to look at tibetan fabrics and she walked right into our path!

We took tea at Jamuna’s shop at Chetraparti. This dog named Jammy came to visit when we were looking at dear Kali who is now 15 years old.

Like the mangy fur of a dog that holds a clean heart, Kathmandu has shown me that using observable evidence to appraise someone’s inner world or history may be convenient and even natural, but it’s still not the truth.

Kathmandu forces me to cover my nose, slap on sunblock, drink only boiled water and take other safety precautions, while liberating me from prejudices and insularity at the same time.

I’m deeply honoured to have been allowed to visit Nepal year after year since 2011.

Namaste. Tashi Delek.

🙏🌈🐾

Holding Hands

17 Dec 2019

I was 10 month old learning to walk on my own by holding onto the wall for support when poliomyelitis found me.

3 months of hospitalization later, I got back my life in exchange for a permanent limp. Considering many afflicted peers with paralysis that bound them to wheel chairs for life and some even needing machines to help them breathe, my crippled leg was just a slight dent on the paintwork.

After surviving polio, maintaining balance became a lifelong preoccupation that took up a lot of my energy. It is a bit like someone training to be a world class gymnast, only in my case, this wasn’t the path I would have chosen if given a choice.

I grew up envying those who could walk effortlessly, dance and skip freely, while I had to and still do, think about every step that I make.

Are there things on the ground to trip me? Pine cones? Satay sticks?

Have I missed a spot of alage on the step of a world heritage site that might cause me to slip?

Will the curb after the zebra crossing be too high for me to get onto?

Will there be steps? If yes, how many? How deep are they? Will there be a railing for me to hold onto? Is the railing sturdy enough to bear my weight or is it there for aesthetics purposes only?

Over the years these questions for self-preservation have trained me not to jump to conclusions, and not to make light of other people’s difficulties. They have also prompted me to listen for the unspoken anxieties and to observe the invisible pain of others.

A couple of months back, I was at an outing to the Esplanade with overseas students studying at a private school in Singapore.

As we were walking towards the open stage facing the Singapore River, a 24 year old student from India asked me, “Ma’am would you like me to hold your hand? You’ll feel more balanced and it’s easier to walk.”

He went on to explain that he came from a village that hosts pilgrims two to three times a year. He’s very familiar with aches and pains. So for the rest of the evening India & Singapore held hands and walked all over Esplanade, exchanging looks of amusement with each other when passers by went all judgy over a handsome Indian man holding hands with a woman of his grandma’s age. 🤣

During our Nepal trip this December, whether it was for worldly reasons such as ascending the stairs of hotels & cafes, or to meet spiritual agendas such as circumambulating the Boudha Stupa and carrying medical supplies, El and Ron took turns to hold my hands and walk with me at my pace.

Boudha pilgrims stopped to look at us but usually to smile and make remarks in Tibetan or Nepali in encouraging tones.

For many of us, having a hand to hold onto in this pilgrimage called Life is a pragmatic necessity. It is beyond romantic as popular culture would have us believed.

So I like to wish for all my friends to study and respect your hands and the hands of others, so that at the right time, they may become gateways to the Divine.

Namaste. Tashi Delek. 🙏🌈🐾

Premium Location

11 Dec 2019 (at Boudha Stupa, Nepal)

For us in a capitalist economy, properties are more than places to shelter from the elements. Property ownership is used to strengthen our survival chances, secure positions in society and acquire power over others.

In Singapore, a property is measured in terms of its age and location, among other criteria, because these qualities impact its resale value.

I could be lacking in business acumen or short on survival skills, but there’s something a little cold and sad about the practice of buying something with the intention of re-selling it.

I think this practice can also undermine our sincerity with people, animals and environment insidiously in the long run.

Do we make friends with people so that we can trade them for other benefits when it suits us?

Do we judge people’s character and potential based on their residential addresses?

At the Boudha Stupa, the snagged tooth dog toasting in the sun as he marinades in mantras offered by thousands of pilgrims on a daily basis adds another layer to our understanding of survival, power and position.

Wearing Prosperity

16 Dec 2019

When I buy clothes or trinkets , I have a habit of dedicating my purchases before I put them on because hard earned money has power.

And because money is hard earned, spending it at shops that allow street animals to rest at their entrances is very rewarding for me.

Dog “Khaire” meaning yellow in Nepali rests at Drichu’s entrance to escape the winter cold. (Boudha Stupa, Nepal 10 Dec 2019)

If a shop welcomes animals and not shoo them away, it tells me 3 things of its business owner and service staff.

Firstly they have kindness.

Secondly they have no fear of offending customers who don’t like animals.

Thirdly, their business is already prosperous because animal beings are drawn to their doorways.

So I hope by using products from these shops, I too will prosper and be of benefit to all sentient beings.

Namaste. Tashi Delek. ♥️🌈🐾

“I love you too.”

12 December 2019

Each visit to Nepal I look for the dogs in the places I stayed the previous year, in the same way I seek the cats that live around the blocks in my housing estate in Singapore.

And when I see the canine children braving the harsh winter wind and dust, sleeping on cold hard floors of alleys, and surviving on the smallest morsels of food and simplest of medicare offered by a small number of kind human beings, my heart fills up with gratitude and courage.

Yesterday morning before I left Boudha Stupa, I hugged a little dog called “Kanchi” meaning “little one,” in Nepali. I stroked her and told her I love her and hope to see her next year.

A cluster of local women vendors looked on as I hugged and spoke to Kanchi. They didn’t speak much English, but when they heard me saying I love you to the timid little girl dog, a chuba-clad Tibetan lady and some of her friends chorused back, “I love you too!”

That was to me the most beautiful wrap up to our stay at Boudha!

May the Compassion and Wisdom from Boudha reach all sentient beings in Nepal & beyond.

Namaste. Tashi Delek 🌈♥️🐾😊

Making Wishes

4 Dec 2019

Last Sunday towards evening it rained and thundered.

A community cat crouched at the entrance of a bank for shelter. The lashing rain and swaying branches must have been a fearful experience for the one-eyed black & white feline.

A few steps from her by the pillar was a cardboard box, a bowl of water and a bowl of kibbles. This cat has a feeder.

But for a frightened cat in the midst of a thunder storm, the short distance from where she was to her cardboard refuge might as well have been from Jurong to Changi Airport.

Any attempt on my part to comfort her by stroking her might stress her even more because I was a stranger.

So I dedicated a prayer for her well being before I walked on. I knew I wouldn’t be of much help hovering over her in the only spot that she felt safe in. And the last thing I wanted was for her to dash into the rain to avoid me.

After moving away from the cat, I paused at a shop by the cardboard box to look at their window display.

A while later, a man emerged from the shop. He went to the fearful feline who was still immobilized at the bank entrance.

With a few gentle words, he managed to coax her to get up and scurry to her cardboard shelter which happened to fit her snugly. It even had a flap to shield her from curious eyes.

I moved on, very grateful that my wish was granted even if it was a coincidence.

Love Stays

30 November 2019

Yesterday at pre-dawn a dog appeared in my friend’s dream. It was a longish dog with light fur.

Not having much contact with animals, my friend’s default reaction at seeing the creature was fear. But the dog approached my friend calmly and brushed his face gently against his back. Upon this contact, the dreamer woke up. The time was 4.15am.

My friend tried going back to sleep but couldn’t.

What could this dog mean? He was puzzled. He hadn’t been thinking about dogs or any animal

But the peace he felt at the encounter both intrigued him and contradicted how he had been taught to view dogs as a threat.

And since sleep was no longer possible, my friend decided to perform his morning prayers, and included the welfare of animal beings in his supplication this time.

Jailani blessing Shoya on Hari Raya morning 8 Aug 2013.

It then dawned on him that the canine that came to nuzzle him in his dream and got him to get up & pray at 4.45am was Shoya, my dog that had passed away in 2014!

As my friend didn’t want to read too much into a dream, Shoya or otherwise, he tried to shrug the dog off.

But throughout the day at work, the dream dog remained in his mind.

So on his drive home he decided to tell me about the dream. He was also wondering if he was just being overly sentimental.

But what my friend didn’t know prior to sharing this dream with me was that in about a week’s time, it’s Shoya’s 5th Anniversary (8th Dec).

And for the past two weeks, by way of blessing my departed dog, I’ve been putting Shoya’s picture in the gentle morning light streaming through the window.

Also of late I’ve been looking at pictures of Shoya with this friend that was taken on the morning of Hari Raya 2013. That was also the year Shoya was diagnosed with a liver tumor. My friend had come straight from the mosque after morning prayers to bless him.

For someone who knows little about dog care, my friend has certainly done more than his share at critical moments.

And yesterday being Friday, Shoya could have visited his benefactor in a dream to thank him for his kindness, and to assure his mama that the physical forms will decay, but all prayers and gestures of love will stay.

Rays of light on Shoya at the foot of Avalokithesvara.

Barry Lopez and the Himalayas

29 November 2019

I first learnt of Barry Lopez maybe 10-15 years ago while reading up on issues related to animals & conservation. At that time I was trying to read “Of Wolves and Men” by him but somehow his language eluded me.

But still, each time I visit a bookshop, his name would catch my eye and I would find myself saying an inward hello.

The day after this new moon, an interview of Barry Lopez by Vincent J Miller popped up on my FB feed. So I read it, counting on the fact that words from an interview might be more accessible to me.

It was a long interview called “The Literary Landscape of Barry Lopez.” And every word from him felt like God speaking to me!

After I recovered from the near spiritual experience, I felt compelled to share Lopez’s interview with two friends. One is still on his pilgrimage at La Verna where St Francis of Assisi received his Stigmata and the other will be taking a retreat in a Cistercian Monastery two days after I leave for Nepal.

The La Verna pilgrim texted back to say he would be drawing on Lopez’s interview to close his journey.

My friend sent me this from La Verna after I shared Lopez’s interview with him.

The Cistercian pilgrim thanked me for the share and he’ll be reading the interview as part of his preparation for the retreat.

Their responses rekindled my courage to read Lopez, especially now that his new book “Horizon” was available at the Jurong East Regional Library.

I was completing some errands at Clementi Mall when the thought of borrowing “Horizon” came. I resisted the urge to make a reservation and told myself if I was meant to read it, it would still be there by the time I took the train and walked to the library.

When I got to the library, I looked up “Horizon” on their online catalogue & noted its call number on paper.

As I was walking to the lift and trying to visualise where the shelf that held “Horizon” might be, I asked a library staff for direction.

“You just take a seat & wait here, I’ll bring you the book,” the young lady offered enthusiastically!

In no time time she was back. She smiled triumphantly as she placed a beautiful blue book in my hands.

When I opened the book, the first thing that greeted my eyes was a painting with the Himalayan Mountains as its backdrop. The painting, known as “Remember,” was by Nicholas Roerich, who spent time among the Himalayas.

I’m heading for Nepal in a weeks’ time and I couldn’t have hoped for a more suitable book to begin this trip.

And this whole experience feels that forces beyond my understanding were collaborating to assist my learning.

So I wish for everyone the grace to remember past aspirations & the faith & patience to wait for the alignment of causes & conditions to bring their aspirations to fruition.

The scallop shell which held the tea light for this new moon’s mandala happens to be a symbol of pilgrimage in the catholic tradition. All paths centre on the Divine.

Honesty as Medicine

26 November 2019

Ollie wasn’t too keen about the butterfly collar yesterday. He looked at us sullenly even as we oohed and ahhed over how fetching he looked.

But when he saw the fish cracker in HK’s hand, he promptly dropped his contempt and hopped onto her lap.

Perhaps far from their endearing looks and cuddling quotient, we love animals because they cannot lie.

And in a world where we’re constantly masked and armoured, it’s such a relief to be in contact with a creature so free.