Fostering Strength

26 March 2019

Sharonne and I became friends in our late teens in 1983 when we were studying in NUS. We’ve always lived on opposite ends of the island. Her home is in the east and mine in the west.

Foster’s Steakhouse was established in 1960, before the both of us were born. The cosy ambience of its interior enhances our appreciation for the vibrant greens and lively goldfishes outside.

After we graduated, we went on our different paths. Of course there were the occasional meetings during celebrations, yogas and sometimes, bereavements.

Recently we met for tea at a cafe in Holland Village. Foster’s Steakhouse was established in 1960, before we were born.

The auctioned rabbit that travelled all the way from Europe to Singapore. Who knows? It could have once be part of a cherished collection in another person’s home.

Our mutual friend MG had bought Sharonne and I each a porcelain rabbit at an auction in Holland. The 3 of us were born in the Year of the Rabbit.

MG had handed her gift to Sharonne to be handed to me as her short visit in Singapore during the Chinese New Year season didn’t give us the chance to meet up.

I arrived earlier at Foster’s before Sharonne. I wanted to sit by the door where I could see her coming from the streets.

The elderly waiter in red polo t-shirt and black pants suggested gently that I sat further in where I would not be disturbed later on. He then ushered me to the seats by the big window where I could “talk to the fishes,” and admire vines hanging outside if I wanted.

So there we were, Sharonne and I, two elderly Rabbits amidst the very English setting of Foster’s, munching on freshly baked scones and gushing over the REAL paper doily that lined the plate, while the delicate antique rabbit that had travelled all the way from Holland to Singapore looked on quietly.

Tea snacks arranged on real paper doily, a touch of class from the bygone era of our childhood.

A young waiter took a picture of us upon our request and observed that my porcelain rabbit fitted right in with the figurines on their mantelpiece.

When the tea ended, we thanked the wait staff for keeping Foster’s in such a charming condition.

Then we walked down the street lined with old trees where Sharonne took pictures of wild orchids hanging from the branches to show her husband.

Wild orchids

Not long after our meet up, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a picture via whatsapp of Sharonne and her family fostering family ties on the outdoor deck of Foster’s.

Sharonne’s family fostering ties at Foster’s.

In our country that is constantly exhorting its citizens to reinvent themselves in order not to lose out, and where food business is notoriously difficult to maintain, Foster’s simple scones that have withstood the onslaught of colourful cupcakes, snazzy dough nuts and various food trends remind me that every thing has its rightful place in the sun, especially if it has the audacity & patience to buck the trend.

Margo’s Mandala for Full Moon Tonight

21 March 2019

I met Margo, then a stray dog, seeking shelter in a bus stop in Taman Jurong on a stormy evening like this. The year was 2004.

One night I saw her lounging quietly in the moonlight while the tree branches above her swayed.

“Margo in the Moonlight” came to mind as her body seemed to gleam amidst the vast darkness of Jurong Park. This is how the dog found her name.

Later on, Margo was to face danger from some park goers who found her “dangerous”. Once she was even caught, thrown into a gunny sack and taken to be drowned in Jurong Lake.

Old men frequenting the park to chat or play chess came to know of the scheme and intervened.

The one who loved Margo most when she was living in the park approached me to find a proper home for his “Ah Girl.” He was ready to lose Margo’s companionship in exchange for her safety.

Shortly after Margo was adopted, her parents invited the old man to come & visit Margo so as to assure him that his “Ah Girl” is in good hands. (6 Nov 2004)

That was how Margo came to be my friend, Lily and her husband’s beloved doghter for the next 15 glorious years.

I remember the day Lily gently leashing Margo in order to walk her to the waiting car. One of the old men spoke with a ritualistic air in the cantonese dialect to the collared dog, “Henceforth you are wearing a gold chain and have no need to roam or be hungry again.”

And true to the blessing bestowed, Margo lived the life of a princess after she left Jurong Park.

Earlier this evening, this brave girl who had overcome the perils of homelessness to live a life of loving & giving, transited into Light.

As the rain lashed at my window and the full moon rose, I dedicated a mandala on Margo’s behalf.

Margo’s Mandala for Full Moon.

15 years ago Margo appeared to me in a rain storm and gained her name in the moonlight.

15 years later, wind and rain escorted her as she left us during the full moon. Margo’s life has indeed “come full circle,” as her mom observed.

May all sentient beings have the good fortune of Margo to live a full life.

May all elements assist to facilitate an auspicious transit into Light when the time comes.

New Moon Mandala of Old Coins on Oxidized Copper.

7 March 2019

New Moon Mandala of Old Coins and Oxidized Copper.

May the new moon guide us to old wisdom, for our own growth and for the benefit of all sentient beings.

May these old coins minted in 1968 and held by ancestors who had overcome all kinds of hardship encourage us to draw on their wisdom and courage, even as we meet new challenges of our own ahead.

Wind Lion Deity of Kinmen Island to Mediate the Winds of Change.

May news of conflicts in politics and governance inspire us to look toward the faithful moon for clarity and calm, so that we may soar above all fears as we rise to meet her.

May the new moon guide us towards old ancestral wisdom & courage for changes ahead.

$29.90 To Return To My Childhood

3 March 2019

Many evenings in my childhood home near Zion Road during the 1960s, 2-3 families would gather outside our house. The adults would have done all their household chores for the day. The kids would have been washed, powdered and dressed in clean cotton pyjamas.

My grandmother would take out her radio in its black protective coat and placed it on a bench made from a fallen tree trunk. She would turn it on, tune it to the right frequency and all of us would huddle around to listen to the story being broadcasted for that evening.

During the broadcast, there was very little talking because everyone was listening. Any occasional comment would be quickly hushed up lest it interrupted the story.Fidgety kids or crying babies were quickly banished. For us kids, to be allowed to sit among the semi circle of adult listeners meant we were almost grown up and that we had self control.

When the story ended, there would be a post mortem of sorts as the adults shared their thoughts & predicted upcoming turns of events. Us children just listened & observed.

The transistor radio created a sense of community among grown ups and initiated children into their world via sounds.

Even after we relocated to public housing flats in Alexandra Road, and abandoned our village and our night radio gathering, the radio continued to play an important role in my life.

My dad would flood the mornings with classical or folk songs from the radio in our flat like he did back in the old days. I never paid much attention to the lyrics but the sounds assured me that all was well.

The Indian neighbour opposite our unit had their radio belting out Tamil songs all day long. Having been relocated from a predominantly Chinese village, it was our first time living so close to an Indian family. I didn’t understand Tamil but the songs told me Asha’s home and I would be invited for tosai soon.

And during the 70s and 80s, hearing Tamil songs at the void decks for us Chinese kids could only mean ONE thing … And that is, there’s a “mama” ( transl: Uncle in Tamil) shop nearby with promises of ice cream, biscuits, plastic toys and bubble gum!

In the early mornings of my secondary school days, Malay songs coming from the canteen meant that the mee siam stall’s open! Yay!

So last week I bought myself a transistor radio from the NTUC supermarket for $29.90.

The radio’s simple appearance with its basic on/off , volume and tuning functions brought me back to my primary school days straightaway.

The crackling noises it makes during change of location or frequency made me smile as I recalled how they used to annoy me.

Tuning onto the Tamil channel brings me back to Asha’s kitchen. The Malay DJ’s bantering transported me to my meesiam and nasi lemak mornings. And the late night Chinese oldies call me back to my dad sitting and reading in our wooden house by the dirty canal.

With this battery operated radio, there’s no wifi to look for, no password to recall and no say in what tracks I get to hear.

Yet with this humble device, I can go back to different places in my life anytime.

A Tradition of Kindness

20 February 2019

Yesterday was full moon. It was also the grand finale of a 15 day Lunar New Year celebration, also known as the Spring Festival.

Depending on one’s dialect group, there are many traditional practices and taboos observed by the Chinese to ensure an auspicious year ahead.

The use of red, vermillion and gold on furnishings and clothes to symbolise the aspiration for abundance is well known. The importance of guarding one’s speech against any unwholesome or inauspicious talk is observed by many at least for the first few days of the celebration.

A telephone booth on Kinmen Island, my grandmother’s birth place.

Every year I take note of a practice that was handed down by my grandmother. And that is, all needlework of any kind involving sewing or stitching together of anything is not permitted during the new year season.

My grandmother was a very skilled needleworker who could embroider perfectly symmetrical patterns from memory. I had never seen her make any outlines on the fabric to guide her.

And among the many chinese new year traditions that she observed, the no-sewing on new year seemed to reign supreme.

In those days grandmother’s prohibition posed some level of inconvenience to the womenfolk in our home. Not only did they make their own clothes but also some last minute alterations on store bought garments for their children was inevitable.

But the no-sewing rule on new year’s day stayed.

And her reason for observing such a bizarre ban?

风师爷 or stone lion protector at my grandmother’s village in Kinmen Island (金门后浦)

She told me we should refrain from sewing during the spring celebration no matter how badly we wanted to mend that tear, because around this period, lots of baby animals that had been born blind were also due to open their eyes.

And our act of sewing during this period, although seemingly unrelated, could very well cause these infants’ eyes to be sewn shut forever.

And just because we didn’t raise animals didn’t mean we could do as we liked.

My grandmother could have inherited this belief from her birthplace of Kinmen Island, where ancient folk beliefs abound.

Though she never showed any special interest in animals, her determination not to perform a domestic chore that could potentially harm them showed that my grandmother was keeping a tradition that she understood & felt deeply.

I’m now my grandmother’s age and holding a friend’s cat called Frankie.

Calling on Fire When All Else Fails

10 Feb 2019

An elderly community cat hadn’t been sighted for 2 days. Feeders searched and called for him to no avail.

I followed the exchanges on the chat group and picked up the mounting unease of one of the veteran feeders who is usually very composed.

Butter lamp dedicated to all animal beings on the 4th Day of the Lunar New Year. On the 5th Day, the missing cat was found and given help.

On Friday evening at the temple I dedicated a light to all animal beings. (It’s the Lunar New Year season and Street Dog Care’s 10th Anniversary after all.)

On Sat morning the lost cat was found.

He was injured. Someone heard a weak meow coming from the drain, another person carried him out and a whole family took him to the vet.

Maybe the timing of the butter lamp dedication and the cat finding was just a fortunate coincidence.

But light, which is the universal symbol for divine presence, is a source of comfort and encouragement to the fearful and the anxious, regardless of beliefs. It is also an expression of gratitude for divine companionship when the material world fails us.

And now I get it when my grandma had such a high regard for all rituals involving Fire. We thought she was nuts when she told us the Fire is listening.

So even as we read news of bush fires in Australia and of charger exploding in a home elsewhere, may we not be discouraged, but continue to develop a healthy relationship with Fire.

And may all beings feeling lost or in distress turn to the Light and be comforted and healed. 🙏

Making the Old, New

6 Feb 2019 – 2nd Day of Lunar New Year

I wore an old blouse for the second day of the lunar new year. It is 12 year old to be precise.

This clothing item has survived many rounds of decluttering episodes because it sparks more than joy. It sparks mystery.

Power Dressing: When I put this on, I’m carrying highly stylised symbols of transformation & abundance created by ethnic artists of long ago.

The ethnic Miao (Hmong) motifs of centipedes, butterflies, birds and fishes on the fabric appeal to the animal soul in me.

I bought this book from PageOne Bookshop at Vivo City. The level of Chinese in this book is too high for me but the pictures make me very happy.
Only much later I learnt that these patterns are not randomly assembled. They are auspicious symbols of transformation and abundance. They are also graphic records of the natural world as seen through the eyes of fabric makers who were word illiterate but no less spiritual or creative.
The humble handmade buttons had helped mothers and grandmothers put food on the table and sent kids to school. I hope a revival of this skill will take place.

As I was pushing the red handmade knot into the loop to secure my blouse, flashes of my youth helping my grandma button her blouse came to me. I was so impatient with her then.

What I wouldn’t give now for a chance to help her put on her blouse without being unkind.

The fabric bag with me was bought at a Chiangmai market in 2014 when El arranged for us to visit the Elephant Nature Park. Each time I use this cloth bag I felt connected to Chiangmai and her elephants again.

Yesterday over coffee at the Botanics Gardens I asked Ron if he recalled giving me this blouse. He couldn’t, for over the years he & El had bought me far too many things to remember.

I told Ron that he was attending a teachers exchange programme in north-east China that year. It was winter and he had dumplings and a bottle of beer for $1.50 at a little cafe. Oh! He remembered. It was 12 years ago.

I think ever since I started observing the new moon and full moon, I’ve also develop the stillness to see newness in old things.

As unpredictable as life is, I’ve been granted a 12 year grace to see beyond the materiality of a blouse.

And in this age of easy discarding & speedy consumerism, relationships have also become highly disposable.

So to be able to wear this old blouse in the presence of its giver, and to celebrate our relationship under an old tree on the Lunar New Year, gives me a sense of newness that is uniquely mulled by the passage of Time.

Ron got me this indigo blouse 12 years ago when he was on an exchange programme in North-eastern China.

The Chiku Tree Welcomes Spring.

5 Feb 2019 – First Day of Lunar New Year

Towards late afternoon of the lunar new year celebration, I thought of the chiku tree that my father planted years ago.

So I walked to the back of the temple to say hello.

And there she was, fruitful as ever, laden with Chiku fruits of all sizes.

Red paper craft hanging from her branches like ribbons on a maiden’s hair gave the old tree a touch of festive air.

I snapped a picture of her and caught the light radiating amongst her leaves.

So I stood under her for a while and listened. Memories of my late father pruning the chiku branches and my late uncle harvesting the fruits with his beloved black cat, Shou Shou, climbing alongside him came to me.

Year after year, the Chiku Tree welcomes Spring, and she’s now also the link to my ancestors & beloved animals.

I found a fruit on the ground and took it home with me.

Spring Clean

2 Feb 2019

An elderly feeder of street cats invited me into her one bedroom rental flat once.

While I was there, her window panes that faced the common corridors were discreetly angled to allow for air ventilation, but deter neighbours from peering into her living room, where her 5 cats roamed free.

The cat feeder works as an office cleaning lady by day. On her way to work she checks on her street cats. In the evening, equipped with a shopping trolley laden with cat food and medicines, she goes out to feed homeless cats, and medicate the ones that are injured or sick, while nursing her own arthritic knees.

Her flat is sparsely furnished to allow for easy cleaning. In her living room are 2 chairs and 1 small coffee table. In her kitchen is a one burner stove by the sink. There’s a washing machine by the balcony. Against the wall old newspapers are neatly bundled with raffia string and stacked up. The newspapers are shredded to be used as cat litter for her cats.

Each day before she leaves her flat, she makes sure to keep a trickle of water running from the tap by the kitchen sink. This is so that in the event that she meets with an accident on one of her feeding rounds or at work, and had to be hospitalised, her house cats would at least have access to drinking water till help comes.

It was a privilege sitting on her linoleum lined floor and taking in all the simple details of her spartan abode. Every item in her house was streamlined to facilitate cleaning ease & maximise comfort for herself and her cats.

Such single-mindedness of intention has given this elderly woman’s one room rental flat an almost shrine-like ambience. Being in her space put me in an almost meditative state.

In a couple of days, the Chinese Lunar New Year of the Boar will be upon us.

Many families are cleaning their homes to get rid of the old in order to usher in Spring, which is the Chinese Lunar New Year. “Spring Clean” or “Spring Cleaning” describes the various activities of cleaning & replacing to welcome Spring.

As I listen to intense discussions on making new curtains, or replacing a piece of furniture, the humble flat of this elderly cat feeder in Lengkok Bahru comes to mind.

In her purpose built life and home, she has nothing much to throw away, and nothing much to replace, because her house is spring cleaned every day.

Slowing Down For LOVE

27 January 2019

Ron stops for a curious dog on our way to Street Dog Care, Nepal. 3 Dec 2018

Many years ago, my grandmother needed to see a doctor. The doctor’s clinic was on the 2nd level of an old shop house. Climbing a steep flight of narrow stairs to seek relief was unavoidable.

Till this day it hurts to recall her efforts to go up and to come down, holding onto the wall for dear life as the stair way had no railing and was too narrow to accommodate my dad or me to be next to her to give some assurance.

This caregiver aligns her pace to the old lady’s. Source: straitstimes.com

These days my own mobility challenges have given me some understanding of the do’s and don’t’s when assisting people, including children, who need support when walking.

At lift lobby and on the road, I’ve seen old folks with walking cane having their free arm held by their caregivers and being dragged along as they try to keep pace with the caregivers’ walking speed which is about one or even only 1/2 a step ahead.

In the past I kept these observations & opinions to myself. Either the situation was too far away from where I was to intervene or I wanted to “mind my own business.”

But yesterday it happened again.

An old lady in her 80s was using a 4 point walking cane while a family member took her to the taxi stand at the JEM shopping mall.

Bent and small, the old one in matching floral blouse and pants struggled to lift her walking cane with one hand, while her other hand was being held by her caregiver.

The caregiver, a cheerful woman in her mid-40s obviously loved the grandmother, but was not conscious of how her pace might be adversely affecting the person she was helping.

The old lady was nearly keeling over as she was being dragged along, presumably to beat the taxi queue.

When they passed me I blurted out to the caregiver: “It’s very painful and tiring for her to be pulled along like this. You have to follow her pace, not the other way round.”

We just have to imagine what’s like having our arm pulled while we try to keep our balance and put up with the discomfort in the armpit area due to overextension of the arm.

People receiving help either cannot or dare not articulate their pain lest they be perceived as being demanding or ungrateful.

A moment of recognition came on. She must have realised that if her grandmother could follow her pace, she wouldn’t need a walking aid or be held.

She thanked me & started to slow down.

“And whoever is waiting for you. Let them wait. They will understand,” I found myself saying this without knowing why.

But now I know. Each of us who are quick to glorify speed and dismiss slowness, will one day have to face the inevitable slowing down and to wait for others to show grace to us.

“Walk WITH Me.” – Swedish police keeping pace with old lady crossing the road.

So the old person who needs help to move, the fearful child who needs more thinking time, and the sick animal that can only take small bites are not burdens to be tolerated. They are providing precious opportunities to practise slowing down, so that those blessed enough to help, may truly offer Love and experience Love in return.

Bending low to give the dog his kibbles, the Tibetan Grandma showed me love is not always convenient and kind.